Is there something wrong with me?

[gratefulmumm]

My partner and I have been arguing all morning- it started this morning when he had a go at me because he couldnt have a lie in because the baby was screaming downstairs...(he had hand foot and mouth again).

Just now the baby was crying for milk (can't eat properly cos he has a blister in his mouth). We had run out of formula so I went to give him milk from the fridge and warmed it up) he has it in his breakfast every morning) . My partner came upstairs and told me he doesn't want him to have it, then kept ordering me to leave the room so he could be alone with the baby because 'the baby cries with me and not with him' I said fine I'll go out and he said 'yes stay away for as long as possible'

I'm so angry and upset - I went into the bathroom and started hitting my head ... I do this alone sometimes when I'm really stressed.. is there something wrong with me?? I find it really hard to cope with...

Im sorry if this was in the wrong thread- I didn't know where to post it..

Does your partner often try to belittle you and make out you can’t cope or are doing something wrong with the baby?

Your response of self harm, which is what hitting yourself on the head is, is because of a huge amount of emotional distress. How old is the baby, and do you have any support irl?

Please speak to your GP or health visitor in case of PND. When my MH started to spiral I too started out hitting my head/pulling my own hair out in clumps. It did escalate.

There can be many underlying health reasons for ending up feeling disproportionately distressed (thyroid, low iron etc) but do please take a good look at your relationship. Someone you are raising a child with shouldn’t drive you to feel this way

You and your partner should be apart now. This is not a good relationship for you or for you to raise baby in.

Both pregnancy and birth are flashpoints for abusers to further ramp up the power and control against their chosen target. I would contact Womens Aid and your gp whilst he is out at work. Seek their help to get away from
your abuser.

Thankyou @ArseholierThanThou and @AttilaTheMeerkat I think I do need some more help with my MH.. I'll get upset when my partner blames/ criticises me but I'll tell him 'I'm fine with the kids, I just get upset when we argue' and he sais he disagrees and said he needs to 'step in ' because he doesn't think im
fine with them.. it just feels so crushing

The fact you feel the need to hit your head is really distressing OP. As pp said that is a form of self harm and shows the measure of desperation you are feeling.

You are not getting support from your partner. He is actively undermining you.

I agree with pp that you should be seeking help from your GP.
And actually being apart from your partner would benefit you.

I think he likes to make you feel weak and incapable of looking after the very human YOU birthed. I honestly believe you should leave this man

Yes.. he'll criticise me and criticise me and then when I get upset he'll say 'just look at yourself'

I'm sorry I just needed to vent.. sometimes I don't know if I'm mental or if it's a kind of normal response to
how he is with me when he's angry? I'm trying really hard to work that out.. he said he heard me hitting myself in the bathroom.. I'm worried he'll use it against me and say I'm not a fit mother

So your partner actually heard you hurting yourself and he didn't intervene in any way? Has he not shown any concern for your welfare?
You have a young baby who is not well. You are under great stress. You are getting no support from.your partner. In fact he is actively undermining you.
Please seek medical help.
And I agree with pp who suggested talking to Women's aid.

thankyou so much for responding @Gottocopebymyself no he just wrote me some texts which I found very upsetting..