Partner had a very difficult divorce 23 years ago. I've heard his side and in terms of the practicalities after it seems he got a very raw deal in terms of finances and access, however he seems like he can't let it go. I sometimes talk about my ex but I have zero anger, thought or bitterness despite him being an absolute p*k and we divorced in 2021.
Once again it's Christmas. His ex was given every Xmas day when they were little and then kept them despite arrangements agreed. Totally unacceptable and must have been difficult for him and his family. Even when they grew up, she would turn the tears on (told to me by the son) and they felt they had to be with her. There are now grandchildren involved and in the last 5 years he has not seen them over Xmas as grandma has had them or taken them to Disney world. I totally agree this is unfair and a repeat of her past behaviour and the daughter won't say no. We went for tea yesterday and he asked what was happening for Xmas and his daughter said they were having it at home just them. He started then saying how unfair it was etc which I feel was him being triggered but it led to an awkward atmosphere and on the way home he rehashed everything again. How unfair everything was etc etc. And then how my comment that it doesn't need to be on Xmas day and we can come across or them to us around the actual day was wrong. I wasn't being supportive and taking their side. I'll add that my grandchildren live in Australia, I've seen one once and the other never, so am becoming slightly less tolerant of this stance he has. I've suggested talking to someone about how he feels but that is met with an 'I don't need counselling'. Any suggestions on how to navigate this? Currently I'm just refusing to engage with him about it.