Divorce at 60

[Thevegetarianchef]

Divorcing at 60
I would like some advice please .Been with DH 40 years.It has not all been plain sailing.
Both of us had affairs decades ago financially we have been on a tight budget working all hours to make ends meet.
Now the dcs have left home it's becoming apparent I'm living in a lonely marriage.The dcs live to far to visit v often.
My DH is a distant grumpy older man due to retire.
Everything makes him irritable he has awful habits like a constant cough and throat clearing.I have to prompt him to bathe,shave or change clothes.
I have suggested he is depressed but he won't do anything.
He is overweight and had a heart attack,had porn addiction and has gone from a kind caring person to someone who can't care less about me.
Eye rolls if I suggest a deep clean of our home.We do have separate rooms,lives.
However we do have a nice house in a nice area.
Zero social life and he has been abusive verbally in the past he hurt me once.
Obviously we have no sex life as I find him distant and unappealing and I realise he is quite sexist so while we had a great sex life for decades his ways have ground me down and I lost my sex drive in menopause.
Has anyone divorced at this late stage and are you happy alone ?

There's nothing lonelier than being trapped in a bad marriage. It's so much better taking that leap.

Thank you all.I was agonizing over what is my life stage or empty nest and what is a bad marriage.
I think I know being snapped at or ignored isn't right and while I shouldn't tell him what to do basic hygiene and heath should be maintained.
The last 3 years since the last DC left home I've really tried to communicate with him.
I just told him I think we would be happier in separate flats and he just stared blankly at the football.
I think that says it all.

I wonder if your fear of driving might alleviate without him around as well?

Maybe.I think that was menopause though.

Absolutely. Go for it. But don’t make the mistake of trying to immediately replace him with a new one. That’s not easy so be sure you’ll be happy alone. Even a grumpy partner is companionship.

It will be a lot easier if you can get him on board. Tell him you can see he’s not happy and he has a chance to be.

I am same age and alone although adult DC still with me. Love my life!

Reclaim and rebuild your life by divorcing him. Better to be on your own than to be so badly accompanied.

Do not further act as his carer or mum like figure.

His abusive behaviour towards you is perhaps also why your kids moved far away and not visit you very often if at all.

Yamman I agree.
I need to be alone.I don't have real friends either as I find them too much and my lifestyle gave me no free time.
I've changed my lifestyle no for the last change.

I separated at 50 (now 57), then long drawn out divorce. Worth every single penny in legal fees.

There's a reason many 50+ women are divorced and remain single. It's because it's awesome and certainly much better than being married to some shitty, deadbeat bloke. Take back your control and go live your life in freedom.

Yes, do it
I would go today if I could afford to
Good luck, you won't regret it xx

@Thevegetarianchef

I'm just past 60 and have been with H since I was 18. Last year I decided I couldn't face another 20 years with someone who was low level abusive, who didn't care for me and who made my life harder. A house wasn't worth the mental, emotional and physical toll this man was putting on me. I'm now in my own house, free from his clutter and filth, and in the final stages of divorce. It's lovely - calm, peaceful, freeing, abolute bliss🤗

Do it before he cashes in his pension as it won't be worth anything in a divorce afterwards and you'll need every penny for a new house. Mine agreed I could have more house equity if I left his pension alone and I was fine with that. I decided having a safe roof over my head was worth losing the money which would have ended up in the lawyers pockets anyway.

Good luck

Absolutely go for it . I wish I had the financial means to do the same . At 60 you still have many good years left to enjoy life. And not even a fun filled active life just peace and contentment in your own space. The prospect of living a totally different life is probably very daunting and it will be a huge change that you probably can't imagine right now . But he brings nothing good to your life and only sadness and loneliness. You won't even need any of his so called help as he creates most of the mess/ drama. And please don't feel obliged to him because of caretaking done years ago . Of course he did at the time but you went on to be his wife and the mother if his children. Debt over.
I am living my dream through you on this one . You go girl .! 😍

OMG DO IT.

We only get to live once. Sounds trite but think about it for a minute. You have at least 20 good years left to enjoy (and more probably!) make them count. Live for you. Don’t give him the rest of your life.

I divorced at 55, best thing I ever did. He was a miserable old sod, always putting me and my family down, abusive to me and manufacturing one crisis after another. The last eight years have been wonderful, I’ve a thriving business, nice house and plenty of friends. When I see some of them, feeling stuck in their long marriages with grumpy men I rejoice that I took the plunge and divorced when I did. So @Thevegetarianchef do it, you will not regret it.

My MIL divorced at 65. Always said the last 1/3rd of her adult life was happier than the previous 2/3rds.

65 is quite late.Great news that so many turned it around and had a better life.

My friend divorced at 59, met someone else within a year and is living her best life and really happy 😊

I did it , absolutely no regrets! Go for it!

Do you take HRT? It will massively help with / stop the anxiety. Will also be good for your ADHD as well.

Im 63 and divorced a few years ago as my "H" did fuck all but whinge and bitch, watch BDSM porn and cross dress in latex. He made me feel sick.
It was the best thing I ever did.

Yes I do take her and magnesium vit D.