Drifting friendship

[PerkyOchrePeer]

My long standing friend of 40 years isn't what it used to be. We gave different interests now and hardly see one another. I sent some texts which never got answered abd that's nothing g new, so I called it quits and ended the friendship. That was in June and I never heard anything more and just got on with my life. Yesterday I got a missed call so I called her back. She said she never ignored my text but never got them so didn't know I had texted ger she said her phone got damaged so she lost everything from her phone it was my birthday in July and she never sent a card and I thought it was because I ended the friendship. I asked her why she didn't send a card and she said she forgot. I dont believe her. I also dont believe ger phone was damaged. She claimed she'd ripped it down the toilet.

I really dont want the friendship back. I told her I had been unwell and she never said a word. I dont consider her a friend anymore and she has been polite but I dont want to continue if she messages me or calls again I will respond but I dont really want her to know anything about my life anymore and certainly won't be contacting her anytime soon

Seems a shame to end 40 years like this.
Sounds like she reached out and is trying now.
But you think she's lying. Is there a back story?

It seems the two of you have grown apart (which is perfectly normal) but she doesn’t want to let go.
i would just let things drift. Be polite, answer texts but stop reaching out or sending cards.

No back story except she has always tried to belittle me because she came from a wealthy family and I didnt

I really dont like her much anymore. I know ahe is reaching out but I dont have to rake the bait if it names ne feel uncomfortable. Its my decision if I want to take the bait or not and I donr

No, you don't have to respond if you don't want to. It is perfectly acceptable to ignore a message from an old friend, or to send a polite but firm response if you prefer to be direct. You are not obligated to rekindle a friendship that has ended, especially if the friendship was unhealthy or has naturally ended

It sounds like the decision was taken out of your hands anyway but her complete absence of interest.

I thought I recognised your name op

Yet another thread about friendship issues

crap friends

friends that lie

holiday friendship fizzling out

Not sure i understand your message. I decided to end the friendship. She contacted me 6 months later. God knows why because all she really said was I dropped my phone down the toilet.who cares. Its not as if she's really interested in me

You had a long friendship with someone, it petered out, you’re not interested in rekindling that friendship… so what exactly are you posting about?

You ended the friendship after her utter disinterest

Yes but she now claims it wasn't a lack of interest, but due to damaging her phone by dropping it down the toilet, therefore my messages didn't reach her because her phone was damaged and she now also claims that if she hadn't damaged her phone she would have seen my messages and replied and I didn't k ow and thought she was deliberately ignoring my messages. What a load of twaddle. I dont believe she dropped her phone now the toilet. That's just an excuse to look good and save face and not to be thought of as a horrible person who ignores messages. The reason I think this is because a few years ago she was very rude to me by saying I should get plastic surgery on a disfigured finger to make it look perfect and that I was too fat to wear a knee length skirt. I am not overweight at all but she said I'm too fat for a knee length skirt an they are only for extremely thin peoplso she belittles me in a very subtle way and ive had enough and want to end the friendship. As I mentioned before, ive been unwell with regular migraines and I told her and she said nothing. A true friend would have said hope u get better etc sorry.

God knows why she got back in touch after 6 months

Before anyone gets over-invested in offering advice here, this is the poster who made several threads about her fury that a friend of a friend who once kindly showed her around her home country while the OP was holidaying there, didn’t then show sufficient interest in remaining in touch by text afterwards, or spend time with her when she visited the UK.

Her particular bugbear is people not replying to her texts.

I did try to point that out

This is an OP with a number of friendship issues understatement

From what you’ve said OP, it wasn’t a great friendship, she wasn’t a true friend and you don’t want to see her - so again, why are you posting? Drop it and move on.

I only saw your post afterwards.

Agreed entirely that the OP has some very odd ideas about friendship, is perennially suspicious of other people’s motives (on the threads about the friend of a friend showing her around on holiday, she was incredibly angry that the woman had devoted a lot of time to showing her around, because apparently she shouldn’t have done it unless she was committed to a friendship, and thought she was gay and interested in her) and thinks that anyone who doesn’t reply to her texts is ‘a horrible person’.

’Friendship issues’ is a kind way of putting it.

OP, seriously, look at the pattern of your posts about friendships. You’re the common denominator here.

Also, why on earth are you so angry about this? You say yourself the friendship had drifted over the years — why would a gap in replying to your texts be that significant, whether she dropped the phone down the loo or not?

Are you talking to yourself here?!
From all of your previous threads I really think you should give up on friendships OP. They obviously disappoint you in every way.

The way things are going, it won’t be the OP’s decision to make?

Well, from the OP's other posts (which, yes, I remember because she always hits the same few notes -- I haven't looked them up) about a holiday friendship that fizzled out, she always does the same thing.

The other person stops replying to her messages (in the case of the holiday 'friendship', this seemed entirely natural, as they weren't friends, they'd just been introduced by a mutual friend and this person had kindly shown her around when the OP was visiting her country, they exchanged a couple of messages afterwards and she then stopped), the OP throws a strop because not responding to her texts makes you a 'horrible person', and decides she's ending the friendship, detailing all of this on here in torrid prose.

Other posters point out, reasonably enough, that the OP doesn't need to 'end' anything, because the other person has already distanced themselves.

The OP fizzes on regardless in high dudgeon, finding all kinds of completely mad reasons why the other person is a total scumbag, and she never liked them anyway. (In the case of the woman who showed her around her country, the OP converted this into a a sign of her insincerity, because she herself would not let someone 'freeload' on her, and I think also thought the unfortunate other woman was gay and sexually attracted to her.)

But it always involves someone the OP says she doesn't like falling out of touch.

Which makes the amount of fury being expressed by the OP even more peculiar.

I do have a couple of friends who always answer messages from me and phone me regularly and we meet up frequently. I have never had a problem with these two.

so there’ll be even more threads about friendship issues in future!

Why

I like interacting with people, but i also like my own space and so spend time on my own which I enjoy. I can̈ spen̈d two days not being in the company of others and be fine.

um…. Based on all your other friendships threads!

I’m suspicious about these threads because it appears as though the OP tried to sock puppet under a different username to agree with herself. It’s only been quite a recent change to the posting rules AFAIK that you can’t do that anymore and it looks like OP hadn’t realised and accidently posted under the same username.

I read the other thread about the woman who showed her round a country, and OP came across completely unhinged, so I’m willing to bet these are wind up/attention seeking threads.

OP, on the off chance it’s a genuine thread, it’s totally possible that your friend had things going on or her phone got damaged. Not everything is a slight on you and people do have busy lives so it’s unreasonable to expect someone to be at your beck and call all the time. I can see why it might be annoying to you, but If all else is good, I’d consider giving her the benefit of the doubt if you feel there is still value to be gained, although to be honest, I think it might be better for her sanity if she let the friendship go anyway.

Otherwise, I don’t see the point of your thread. You’ve enjoyed a 40 year friendship with someone, you feel you’ve both changed and aren’t a great match for friends anymore so you decided to end it - and what? What’s your reason for creating the thread?

Either way

this is a very tragic and lonely OP I suspect