News has upset me ((TW suicide))

[Mepol23]

In the summer my partner and I saw a new independent charity shop had opened up. There were multiple volunteers and one lady in her 30s was very friendly and welcoming and passionate about the shop. My partner and I were touched that this lady and others had opened this shop and the cause behind it. She warmed to me and my partner and we were friendly and chatty with her and liked her.

We popped in a few times with donations and would chat to us. She always wanted to take the bags and was rushing round and I said it’s ok and I took the bags to the stock room. I’m not the sort to just drop bags off the entrance and should do my bit make it less work for the staff to collect them. I could see she was hectic.

About 6 weeks ago my partner said something to her and she didn’t seem her self when she responded. She wasn’t as bubbly when we there and in the company of others. Obviously I didn’t know her well enough but thought she might have had an off day.

2 weeks ago my partner said he needed to drop some stuff off and I said I will wait here because I had to park on yellow lines and wait quickly. This lady came out and offered to help my partner. She saw me in the car and said hello and then I saw her and I said hi. My partner said at least you have tomorrow off (the shop is closed on Sundays) and she then said she was working tomorrow Sunday till 10pm at this shop and wasn’t really happy about it. We said oh we didn’t realise what was involved in the shop. She said tried to laugh it off and said got to go and said bye and went, then we left.

Today my partner went on his own to the shop and found out this lady took her own life. I feel really sad because I noticed signs of not being herself and wish I had said something. I wish I told her to take it easy with working long hours as she was a volunteer as she told us before none of them get paid. Me and my partner and are the softer side but friendly and sociable we would have helped her. None of the staff knew she felt the way she did.

I know I don’t know what her personal life was like and it’s not my business but it’s upset me a she was a lovely lady and young too. She was devoted to this charity.

It’s not your fault. You didn’t cause this and you couldn’t have known.

She was clearly very unwell, poor woman.

It’s perfectly normal to feel what if and could I have done something, but the truth is, no one will ever know.
Send her soul love and blessings / prayer for her / put the emotions you’re feeling into something contrastive because beating yourself up won’t change anything. 💐

So sad 💐

Very sad situation, I am sorry.

As you say, OP, you don’t know what was going on in her personal life. It seems pretty unlikely that someone would end her life because she was working too many hours as a volunteer.

I think I have a different view which is likely unpopular. If someone is so unhappy and wishes to end their life then that is their right.

I think I have a different view which is likely unpopular. If someone is so unhappy and wishes to end their life then that is their right.

((HUG))

I'm sorry, it's very sad news & it's hard feeling like you could/should have done something.

we could ALL do better, but in all honesty if this was her intention it's highly unlikely to have stopped her. 🥲

is there some way you could raise money for the charity that meant so much to her?

I'm not sure how to explain this, but can you LIVE a little part of your day, each day FOR her? A nice cup of coffee, a walk, just. A few minutes for her.

its sad, she was so young with so much life ahead of her, that for some reason she just couldn't face xx

I'm so sorry to hear that OP. It's very tragic.

I think it is very normal for people to wonder what they could have done in these sorts of circumstances, but the answer much of the time is really that you could not have done enough. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try when we can or have reason to think it is needed, but you did not know her well and must not beat yourself up about it. It sounds as though you and your DP were very kind and supportive of what she was doing.

That sort of tragedy is based, I am sure, on much more than working long hours - it could even have been that the long hours were an attempt to distract herself from what was really at issue.

Please just focus on your kind and friendly interactions with her - and know that you gave her those towards the end.

That’s just so sad. I hope everyone at the shop are getting support too

Wow. This is so cold. Mental illness is real and it is often difficult when you are in the midst of it to see a way out but lots of people do recover.

Don't blame yourself OP. You didn't realise what was actually going on.

oh that was sad op.
you are right to be upset about this.

Thank you for all your kind words. I know there was nothing I could do if I didn’t know.

My brother died by suicide and I agree with your statement.