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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Think I'm about to be a single parent

1 reply

justan0thermama · 08/11/2025 19:58

I've been with my partner for nearly 8 years. Our son was born in January. There have been a lot of problems for a long time and I don't know how to say it but it's mostly on his half after a life of trauma and addiction. I'm very type B personality and him type A. So we clash. And the arguments get bad. I think I want to leave but I don't know how to prepare for it. I'd have to apply for housing as my income alone wouldn't stretch to a place for me and my son. I really love being a mum. I have PCOS and spent a lot of years filled with anxiety and negative pregnancy tests. I really feel whole now I have him. And I don't ever want him to grow up in a house where conflict takes place. But I just have no idea where to start... Any advice? My partner is a good person and a wonderful dad but just can be very irrational and I believe maybe narcissistic. He will want to still see our son which I am happy with. But I don't know what I need to do to get out as soon as possible? I don't really have any friends or family I feel comfortable going to now.
So sorry for the big rant. Just need some reassurance that things will be okay. And advice on how to get there if anyone has been through anything similar?

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 09/11/2025 04:22

OP. you need to start with the basics.

Are you working or will you go back to work in the new year? Do you have any savings.

Work - I became a single mum when I returned to work. I found the only way I coped was to find a small flat and a child minder very close to my work. That meant I could drop baby off on the way to the office and collect on the way home. It made life easier and I was never far away if he needed me.

Housing - If you cannot afford to rent a flat of your own, talk to the local housing department. Tell them you are about to become homeless, that your partner is going to kick you out. What can they offer? The ideal would be a one bed flat, cheaper to rent/heat/quicker to clean. Baby doesn't need their own room for years. They may only be able to offer you a room in a hostel which isn't easy.

Money - Life will be much easier if you have a deposit for a flat, or at least a bit of money saved to pay for the basics if the flat is unfurnished. So save as much as you can while you are still with your partner. I knew my split was coming so I managed to save a deposit.

Benefits - check online what you will qualify for. And check the CMS calculator for what your baby's dad will contribute. Work out what your likely income will be.

Support network - Re-establish relationships with family members if you can. Even a little support network is better than none.

Once you have a plan & a budget, you will start to feel more in control. It took me about 9 months to get organised. Work to a schedule that suits you. Good luck.

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