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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling very lost

6 replies

broomstickie · 08/11/2025 15:23

I’m really struggling to see a way through my current situation. Over the past few months, my partner’s behaviour changed drastically, becoming paranoid, saying strange things, and refusing to get medical help. It eventually turned into full-blown psychosis, and he’s now in hospital under a section. He could technically be discharged anytime in the next few months depending on how things go.
Before all this, he was drinking heavily to cope. He’s always had issues with alcohol, though it wasn’t always obvious. The doctors have made it clear that if he keeps drinking, he’s likely to keep ending up back in hospital. Despite that, he insists he’ll still be able to “have a few” when he’s out. I honestly don’t think that’s realistic, and I know I don’t have the strength to go through another episode like this.

We have two children in their early teens. Because of some of his behaviour before he was admitted, the situation was flagged as a safeguarding concern and I've had a few calls with children services who say they have no concerns about me. They do have concerns about him. I completely understand that he’s unwell, but some of what happened was frightening for all of us. If he doesn’t stay engaged with treatment and recovery, I can’t be the one holding everything together next time. My priority has to be keeping the kids safe and emotionally stable and myself too, so that I can be the parent they need.

I’ve been offered the chance to move to another part of the country where I’d have much stronger support, something I don’t have where we are now. I feel incredibly guilty even thinking about it because it would mean uprooting the kids, but part of me feels that a temporary disruption could be far better than living in constant uncertainty and fear.

I guess I’m just looking for some perspective. Has anyone been in a similar position, or have thoughts on what they’d do?

OP posts:
QuenchedSquirrel · 08/11/2025 15:30

Sending you hugs OP.

A fresh start might be what you all need, even your partner when he comes out of hospital.

His priority needs to be seeking help for his alcohol problems, not pretending he doesn't have any.

Your priority is safeguarding the kids, which will be easier with support.

Endofyear · 08/11/2025 16:41

You're absolutely right that your first priority is safeguarding yourself and your children. If that means moving so that you have support around you, that may well be the best thing for all of you. Will the children have to move schools? I would have a talk with them and weigh up the pros and cons. They may feel that changing schools will be too much of an upheaval for them, or they may welcome the chance to start fresh somewhere else.

You don't say if your partner's drinking is the cause of his mental health problems or an attempt at self-medicating. If he had a long history of excessive drinking, it's possible that he's developed alcohol induced brain damage (ARBD) If this is the case, he really needs to stop drinking or it will kill him. Hopefully his doctors will present him with the facts and disavow the notion that he can just have a few now and again.

Once he is released from the section, does he have a treatment plan going forward? Does he have any family who are able to support him? Does he think he will just return to the family home and you'll all carry on as normal?

At the moment, I think you can only take things one day at a time and be firm that you have to do what's best for you and your children. Wishing you all the best as you navigate this difficult time 💐

BlueScrunchies · 08/11/2025 16:46

Take the opportunity and go OP. It’s the right thing for all of you.

You aren’t responsible for your partners MH and addiction struggles, you are responsible for the welfare of yourself and your kids, which is rightly your primary focus at the moment.

It’s great that you will have support in the new area too, to help you navigate such a tough time. Good luck.

SquareHead37 · 08/11/2025 17:01

Go. Don’t think twice.

BarilynBordeaux · 08/11/2025 17:36

Absolutely go

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 08/11/2025 17:52

If he still thinks he can drink after he leaves the hospital, it means that he hasn't hit rock bottom yet.

It also means that if you stay, you and the kids will be dragged down even further. Your responsibility is to your children here. They need you to be the sane and stable parent.

YOU can't save him. Only he can do that. You also don't have the training to help someone in his state.

And literally the kindest thing you can do for him now is to protect yourself and your children from his addiction/MH troubles. If he manages to get out of this, then at least he won't have the guilt and pain of having harmed your and the children's lives on his conscience.

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