Do you need physical attraction in a relationship?

[Naturist]

I have been with DH for 14 yrs. We have 2 DCs 10 and 12.
He is a lovely man. He is kind, considerate, patient yadda yadda. He does house work, cooks, looks after the DCs when I'm not around and is generally quite well domesticated.
My problem is that while I love him very much I don't find him physically attractive. On the rare occasions we do have a shag it is alright but not mind blowing.
I also have some body image issues - i don't think i'm attractive either - which may be part of the problem.
While i can see us old and infirm together in 50 years time i wonder if i am missing out. Not that i would ever go out to see what i was missing, i just wonder.
what do you think?

God naturist you could be me!!

Bump for morning crowd.

Physical attraction helps but sometimes I think if you don't find someone repulsive then that's ok. There's a lot of different elements to a successful relationship. It's up to you to decide whether yours is successful or not.

I find my DH very attractive but it's not relevant at the moment because I'm too damn tired to act on it 90% of the time. That's just how it is at the moment.

Is there anything in particular you don't find physically attractive or something that could be done to improve things? Smelly breath or a haircut or am I being to simplistic? Sorry - addled head from being woken at 5.15am. Grrr.

I do fancy my dh which is helpfull because he is so annoying! But I never feel sexy if I am too tired and feeling unattractive which is how I feel most of the time especially at the moment because I am a wreck!

I think the trick is to work on your own image/self esteem/sexiness.

Only you can decide how much importance you place on that side of your relationship. Some people place a lot more on it than others and don't be swayed by them if you're happy where you are.

I do find my hubs attractive, but a few years ago it dawned on me that this meant I would never have sex with anyone else again (presuming things continue as they are) and I wondered what I might be missing out on. Seems silly to even type that out, but the mind can be weird!

Don't let other people's ideas of normal influence you if you're happy.

However, if you're not actually happy even if you love him and can see yourself with him in years, then maybe you need to do something about that. Not suggesting leave him, but like, what do you mean you don't find him attractive? Is it him or is it because you can't enjoy sex because of your body image issues and so this is a defence against doing something that leaves you feeling vulnerable?

I do think it's the physical and sexual attraction that distinguishes a relationship from a friendship, but that's more relevant at the start of a relationship maybe?

Perhaps once love grows and becomes established it isn't so important? I don't know, for me it is a huge factor, the most important one in fact, but then I'm single, what do I know

I think you've hit the nail on the head when you say you have some body image issues and don't find yourself attractive, could that be the root of your problem?

I always thought if you loved someone you would find them physically attractive regardless of their actual physical looks?

If you don't consider yourself attractive how can you be attracted or attractive to anyone else? I think platonic relationships can survive if both parties explicitly agree that's all there is - but if it's a lukewarm response - the danger is, eventually someone else will turn up that does make your heart beat faster and turn your head.

Just to say I am with you on this one- but I don't know the answer. I don't really fancy my DH any more after 25 years together- he just doesn't do it for me. Otherwise we get on okay- no fireworks, but muddle along. Having BIG dilemma whether to break free- lose home, no pension, break up family with knock-on effects for kids etc- just don't know.

cheers.
i'm not unhappy as we are - just wonder if there is something else? probably just feeling hormonal and will e fine and dandy in a week or so,.