How to set boundary with BF about emotional/trauma dumping?

[Parsleyforme]

My boyfriend has recently started therapy and I’m proud of him for doing it. But he will walk in the door (we don’t live together) and within a few minutes will start talking about what’s bothering him this week. Now that he’s having therapy he has lots to talk about and sometimes also randomly comes out with quite traumatic things during our time together, not connected to a conversation we’re having. I feel like it sets the tone for our time together, especially when it’s the first conversation we’re having when we see each other.

I feel really mean but there’s only so much or so often that I can deal with. I’ve also had therapy for a couple of years and have my own problems. I’m doing a new qualification and it’s stressful. For context, I was emotionally neglected as a child (two parents with addiction) and wouldn’t be at all surprised if I have ASD so emotional talk can feel really intense to me. I care about his feelings and he’s a lovely guy but I struggle to not be affected by what he’s saying. I’m hoping it will improve the more therapy he has, but is there any way to say something about this without being really dismissive?

Boundaries all the way, ask him to discuss with therapist this exact issue, how it makes you feel, as partners you do need to be able to discuss issues, not trauma dump with no agreed outcome. Set times to openly talk, maybe he needs to go a long walk after therapy to go over issues in his head before talking with you. It's great he's opening up and it's really beneficial, just needs some tweaks.

Maybe something along the lines of telling him you're proud of him for engaging with therapy, and if there's specific "homework" set by the therapist that requires your input then you're happy to support, but otherwise you need boundaries as a couple to make sure it doesn't overshadow your relationship. As the PP suggested maybe dedicated time to talk about it each week.