This is rather long and complex but I will try and keep it brief and to the point but I'm sure I will leave important parts out but it won't be in purpose as this spans almost 30 years.
I have had my best friend in my life for almost 50 years we have done everything together, I will call her Jane, she is just a lovely person who has no malice in her, children love her and gather round her at parties and she is not a person who wants a lavish lifestyle as she is just happy with what she has.
Anyway she met Mike my husbands friend and they hit it off and quickly became a couple, they married after 3 years of dating and sitting those first 3 years Mike got a warning from his work for sexual harrasment, he fobbed Jane off saying well it's my personality you know what I'm like, and to be honest he is very over friendly with everyone.
Then Jane got pregnant and had their child and when the child was a toddler Jane found messages on Mike's phone from a work customer and they were inappropriate but yet again he said nothing was going on,
Mike was ignoring his family duties at that time and was out a lot and a work colleague of his used to pop round in the evening to exchange items for work that had to go to different branches and as they lived close by it was easier to be done at home, soon an affair began between Jane and Andrew (the work colleague)
It had only been going on a month or so before Mike found out by going through Jane's phone, this was 19 years ago, Mike threw her and their child out and attacked Andrew, basically all he'll broke lose,
Oh this was the second time he threw her out the first time was about 2 years after they got married around the time of the sexual harassment would of taken place.
Anyway once he calmed down Mike said he would forgive Jane if she told him everything and she did,
We thought that they had got over it but about 5 years ago Jane said that Mike has constantly brought up the affair and constantly shouts at her for it and belittles her.
Mike had to give up work around 10 years ago due to an accident he had at work so it's only Jane that now works, their child has moved away from home.
So recently Mike and Jane came round for a coffee and Jane burst into tears and she confessed that she feels so down and feels suicidal, Mike then shouts at her saying g that she should after what she has put him through and it's all about her, and she said no more,
A week of so after this Mike came round on his own as he had to get away from Jane and he told us that he had pinned her up against the wall by her throat and if he had wanted to he could of squeezed the life out of her and she was lucky that he didn't, me and my dh just sat there opened mouthed as their was no remorse he wasn't even sorry for what he had done. We told him that he needed to leave her as its so wrong.
He has been a complete arsehole to her for almost 20 years, as for the past few months Jane has been opening up to us and we are shocked at how evil he is.
A few weeks ago Jane asked to come round and she said she had to get out as he won't shut up about the past again and that she is going to leave him she just feels guilty as she also cares for him, anyway we had all had a drink and a bit more than tipsy and a long time mutual friend phoned and I put him on loudspeaker so we could all chat, but I forgot to say Jane was present before I said to him that Jane has finally had enough and she is leaving Mike, this friend said "well i guess now is a good time that I can get this off my chest" and he tells us all about the affairs Mike has had that predated even their wedding and another that resulted in a birthday of a child (Jane didn't hear about the child bit as by this point she was raging with anger)
Jane stayed the night at our house then went to her dad's the next morning and told him everything, he has offered to pay for the divorce and other things but Jane has refused.
Jane waited a few days before she told Mike she knew he was unfaithful even though all this time he has called her a filthy skank cunt and that he could never do that to her! He said it was only one time he wore a condom and never came ( like that's ok then!)
Jane has contacted the local council about her house and she is the Tennant but he is only listed as living there so the council can't remove him she will have to either go to court or wait until he does something again and call the police.
A few things we are concerned about, she won't call the police about his past behaviour of violence.
He has illegal weapons in the house and we now know he has a violent streak
He is financially abusing her as all her wages goes on the bills and they get universal credit top up that she has to give 50% of to him as that's his money and the rest goes towards the rest of the bills and food shopping, he has also in the past week taken her credit card and spent almost 1K on it, he also gets the highest rate of pip that's his money, so she has no money for herself at all.
He is blaming all this on her and he is still the victim
He has stated self harming stating that she makes him do it then makes sure people can see what he has done.
Dh and myself have not spoken to him since all this came out as he disgusts us, but how can we help Jane as we have been lucky enough to have never encountered this in our lives before only from what we have read on here.
Oh I have been on here for years mnhq can vouchers for that if needed