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Relationships

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Who, if anyone, is BU here

6 replies

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 07/11/2025 19:47

DH was made redundant last year and started contracting. His current contract is finishing next week. He’s just been offered one but it’s hundreds of miles away, meaning he’d be away 4 days during the week. I’d be at home with 3 teens (one stepdaughter and my two boys).

we’ve not being getting on well and I honestly think some time apart might help us, as we’d appreciate each other more when we do see each other. Or we might realise we’re happier apart, but either way at least something will change as we can’t go on as we are.

I did tell DH that ultimately it was his decision as he was the one who would be staying away, but I was willing to give it a try.

He accepted the contract, but all day today he’s been acting sad, saying I want him to leave etc, that he’ll be lonely on his own during the week, that I won’t be affected by him not being here. He’s acting like I’m making him take the position. I keep saying if he really doesn’t want to do it he doesn’t have to but the money is very lucrative and he’s got to find an alternative if he decides not to go ahead. Apparently this is me ‘always telling him what to do’.

Honestly I’m just so fed up. Am I being unfair to him? To be honest the idea of 3 nights a week in a hotel by myself sounds heavenly!

OP posts:
MyGhastIsFlabbered · 07/11/2025 19:54

Just adding I also said that if his daughter or her mum were against him doing it then it was a non-starter as they had to be happy with him being away.

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 07/11/2025 20:02

I don’t think anyone is being unreasonable.

Its fair enough for you to want him to go so he’s working and to see if time apart helps your relationship or makes you reconsider it.

Equally, it’s not unreasonable for him to feel sad at being away from his family for 3 nights every week sitting alone in a hotel room, especially if he thinks you want him out so you can reassess your relationship and he might lose you.

I would just have an open conversation with him about your thoughts and feelings on the whole thing and your relationship so he knows where your head is at and what your expectations are

Sillysoggyspaniel · 07/11/2025 20:11

It's all very well you saying he doesn't have to take it if he doesn't want to, but he kind of does, doesn't he? It brings in a lot of money and he doesn't have anything else lined up. So he's feeling forced, which he is, and is upset about that and the travel and living out of a suitcase. While you are feeling like somehow he's turned it into his own little pity party and it's your fault yet again. Think you're both right and it's just a tough situation really.

Whyherewego · 07/11/2025 20:15

I think it's a good sign that he's a bit sad and worried about missing you. Clearly he's just picking up on your vibes around worrying if this relationship has legs.
Just reassure him that you are supporting him whatever decision he takes, but clearly income is important. So just stay neutral and let him make his own decisions

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 07/11/2025 20:24

I’m sure he could find another contract, what is pissing me off is him acting like I’m forcing him to take it. If he has to go on UC while he finds a contract closer to home then we can make that work.

OP posts:
MyGhastIsFlabbered · 07/11/2025 20:27

Also it’s annoying me that he thinks being at home with 3 kids (2 are neurodivergent) whilst working is going to be a breeze

OP posts:
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