How do I tell him?

[1971girl]

I moved to be near my boyfriend as I lived in another town. I moved into a house with my son who is 21. The three of us living together didn't work originally and my boyfriend has his own apartment anyway. It's been two years up here and we have been together 5 years and my lease is up after Christmas. I've found myself looking at rental properties where I am from lately and want to view a house back there next week. It's a bit sneaky but I have been looking and not telling my boyfriend. I plan on telling him if I actually get offered a property. It hasn't been a bed of roses where I live atm. My boyfriend and I have had a lot of ups and downs. He helps with my dog and we get on in general but I feel I have to be very reliant on him. I don't drive. I chat to dog walkers around here but haven't made any friends that I would go for coffee with. That doesnt bother me too much as I have friends that I do manage to see at times from my home town. It's 20 miles away. My parents are nearly 80 but active but I'm aware one of them will pass away and the other might need me nearby at some stage. My boyfriend will feel betrayed and angry. Like he should be enough reason for me to stay round here. He probably should be. I worked really hard painting my house and making it nice when I moved in. I was totally stressed out. I was glad of the change of scenery at the time but it's wearing off a bit now. The area isn't great where i live. To be honest, apart from being in a city and having more shops ten minutes away on the bus my life isn't much different than to where I lived before. Except there I know people and my parents are nearby so my dad would help with my dog who has separation anxiety and there are nicer walks to walk her quite frankly. My boyfriend has tried but we have had so many ups and downs over him being a twat at times that I think now is my opportunity to move home because my tenancy is nearly up. My son prefers our hometown also but is easy about where we live atm. Whether my boyfriend accepts my reason is another thing. Ill either lose him because he will resent me or he will accept it. Personally, i think he will be fuming. This doesn't look good does it?

Hey...you have to do what's best for you all around and you shouldn't be made to feel bad about anything if you are not happy.. talk to ya boyfriend about how ya feel and ya concerns .. if he isn't happy or not willing to compromise in anyway...well he's just not the right guy for you. You doing it sneakily tells me you know the answer already...hope that helped

Personally I'd rather live where I have friends and family

Your 'home town' is 20 miles away? Have I got that right?

if so I don't understand... I travelled further to work daily, it's no distance.

Your boyfriend doesn't get to have an opinion about whether his company is enough for you. Only you do. And given how unpleasant he sounds, I'm not surprised it isn't.

This is your life, not his. Take the rental, move home, reconnect with everyone there and let the chips fall where they may with your boyfriend. I imagine the relationship won't last. It doesn't sound as though it should anyway.

All the best with your move and your new more positive life.

You know you not only want but NEED to go home.

You do NOT need a boyfriend with whom you “have had so many ups and downs over him being a twat at times”.

I sense that you feel distinctly lukewarm about him.

And your son prefers his/your hometown.

How many reasons do you need…

@AutumnCosy2025 20 miles on public transport can be very different to 20 miles in a car and OP doesn’t drive.

Go back home and feel released. If he doesn't follow don't be surprised. I'd cut him out completely in those circumstances.

Yes, but presumably he drives.

Anyway, the relationship doesn't sound worth 'staying' for & being walking distance to her elderly parents sounds like a better option.

But it's hardly surprising that he'll be hurt & angry that' she's hiding these feelings & viewings from him & only going to tell him if she gets offered a place. It's not much of z relationship if she can't talk to him (or to ME if they can't live together).

Thanks for your advice. If I secure a new tenancy next week I am moving. Whether this will break us up I don't know but I am putting my own feelings first. It will go down very badly but I don't care. I'm ready to head back home. Just dreading the upheaval of decorating again etc.

Good for you. 20 miles can seem a really long way when you want to be near your family and friends. It's even longer when you need to be close by to help them alongside day to day life. Do what is best for you and makes life easiest. It's not sneaky not saying anything until you're sorted when you know what his reaction will probably be.