Sexless marriage - can it change?

[Newusername2024]

Married 2 years, together 10. We have a DS who is now 2. We have not had sex since he was born.

Previous to this we went 5 years without sex. I raised the issue then many times and was told he was ‘tired’. Then it was due to his weight gain. I do not have an incredibly high sex drive but do crave some intimacy.

I have gone through all of the emotions with this. Blamed myself for no longer being attractive to my husband. I have also accused him of being gay (I do not have any evidence of this).

I am not sure what I’ve come here for. Can our marriage survive? I have asked him to address the issue many times. I feel that if a friend came to me with this I would tell them to leave as the issue has been raised and not address. But equally I do not feel that it is enough for me to walk a way.

Thoughts?

From personal experience, and from the many accounts I've read: this won't get better. However, if you have the courage to leave this relationship and, when the time is right, seek a new one, you may well find a relationship that gives you what you want, need and deserve.

I am so sorry! Gosh… 5 years is a long time!
What sort of weight gain are we talking about? Men are very visual creatures and can be easily influenced by women they see on their phones, media etc.
But intimacy is not only sex , there is more to it.
Does he kiss you, hold you hand, cuddles while watching Tv?
Of course your marriage can survive!
You have a child together now and that is the most wonderful thing to bond two people for live.
If weight gain is concerning both of you, it must be addressed as soon as you can. With few pounds off you will feel more energetic, sex drive will return and so will your desires.
Have a little think if you could adress this TOGETHER and spend some time planning your meals, walks etc. Good luck. xxx

So out of the 10 years you have been together ,you have gone at least seven years with no sex.Sorry but there’s something wrong here and this is not going to improve.

I was in a similar marriage for far too long (19 years) - get out. It does not improve and cannot survive without leaving serious resentment and self-doubt in your life.

@sadkeiko it sounds like he was the one who gained weight.

What made you decide to get married, after 5 years without sex?

I can’t help feeling he thought you would be fine with it, if you were ok with signing up for life with someone you never had sex with?