Feel so completely alone

[Drinkingontheterrace]

I just feel so completely alone despite being in a relationship and having friends and family.

I quit my job in July without having another one, which was not a clever move, but I realise now that it was in response to severe burnout.

I don't feel any optimism or hope. The only thing I have to live for are obligations to others.

Last year I was seriously contemplating suicide because it never gets better but I didn't follow through. I'm simultaneously trying to start a new business whilst also working out whether my next of kin will be able to claim my pension if I die before accessing it (I have financial obligations).

My partner of 10 years has made it clear that they can't / won't financially support me (which they're under no obligation to do!) but there is no emotional support either.

My family rely on me and are unable to provide support.

I want to leave everything and start again but that is impossible.

Has anyone else felt this way and how did you move past it?

Have you sought help for depression OP?

Why on earth isnt your partner supporting you financially?

I agree about are you seeing someone for your depression? Something needs to be done.

Sorry to hear you’re struggling OP. If always think therapy is useful if you can access it. Sometimes there are so many things going wrong it’s overwhelming. You need to break things down into more manageable pieces. I’m hearing foremost a sense of disappointment at the lack of support from your partner. Is the relationship healthy and serving you? Should you be considering if it’s right for you? I’d expect a partner of ten years to be able to offer definitely emotional support but even some financial too in certain situations.

I've been treated for depression for years and am on medication.

I've accessed lots of different types of therapies as well and a couple of years ago I was diagnosed with ADHD which I'm also being medicated for.

I've been lonely for a long time in the relationship but am not in a position to leave. It's also unfair of me to say I'm getting no financial support - he pays the mortgage etc and I live here so I don't need to worry about any 'living' costs.

I have been staying alive for my niece and because I'm scared if I fail at any attempt I'll be left with permanent damage.

If your partner isn’t supporting you financially or emotionally they’re not a partner in any sense of the word.

But, practically it sounds like you should visit the gp to discuss these feelings. I promise you, as someone who has had suicidal ideation in the past, it really can get better.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. To me, it sounds like a combination of depression and overwhelm - which is understandable, and completely normal, if you've experienced burnout and have ADHD. Everything just sounds too much at the moment, especially if you're trying to start a business, have financial obligations, etc.

I would speak to your doctor about how you feel - they will be able to help.

I'm glad you have a reason for keeping yourself alive, but please remember that ending your life is a permanent solution to a temporary problem - and however difficult it may seem at the moment, this is just a temporary blip in your life and things can and will get better. You deserve to be alive - the world is a better place with you in it, believe me.

As for the relationship, I wouldn't worry about that at the moment - I think the best thing you can do is get yourself into a better place mentally and emotionally before you contemplate leaving, etc, as that sounds like another stress that you would struggle to cope with just now.

As I said, definitely go and speak to your doctor about how you are feeling, and maybe have therapy if you're able to.

In the meantime, an app I find useful (I use it myself and recommend to my clients) to help reduce tasks into bite-sized pieces, which helps manage overwhelm, is 'Finch' (free to download from app stores), so you may want to consider that. (Incidentally, I have no affiliation to the app - I'm just a satisfied user!).

Wishing you all the best.