Exs new life

[Ashleyp92]

Has anyone ex ever left their family life for such a selfish life. He still sees the DC couple of times a week but he’s went from living in a lovely family home and I am not a brag but after his dating and wild nights out moved in with someone who has no children and she doesn’t work, he’s living out of black bags as she has no wardrobes or drawers. She has 5 cats which he would never get DD a kitten and DD says he is constantly picking cat poo out bath as that’s where litter trays are. He has told me a few times he just clicked with her and things moved fast and moved with her after 6 weeks with her And I just think to myself why am I still crying over this man who ripped my family apart for this lifestyle and since moving in is so bitter and cold to me but think it’s because he has stopped going out now and it’s me out everytime I’m child free now. Only thing he has is more freedom but to me it’s just selfish and could kick myself for crying because of him and blamed myself so much as this is what he calls leaving for a happier life

How old are the children?

@Tatwrap yeah I didn’t eat or sleep when he left it was a shock as I would’ve done anything to keep my family together but I look back now and realise I was miserable no money on my own yet I still would of continued that so maybe he has done me a favour and they are 10 and 6

do the children want to visit? How
Often do they go? Stay over?

@Chillithai They visit because they love cats and obviously they want to see their dad as they are close. He has them one Friday night and next week on a sat night and picks them up on a Monday or wed for tea

What do they say about his girlfriend?
do you trust him to care for them well?

Why is he telling you all this in the first place? He’s your ex, you don’t need to know the ins and outs of his life and whether he still goes out or not. Is he wanting you to feel sorry for him as a way of getting back with you?

@Chillithai I trust him to care for them i think he’s put his own needs before the DC emotional well-being. They don’t say a lot she has bought them something every time they go her children are older and live with her mum

@SwanSong30 no not because he wants to get back. It’s because I stick to set days and he says he hasn’t made enough through week so can’t have them at the weekend and that it’s ok for me as I get a set wage every month if I take time off for school holidays and that I get to do what I want if he has kids on weekend but when he doesn’t have kids he has to work but I just say not my problem anymore and he gets nasty.

Why do her kids live with her mother?!

So pre split, this really was circling the drain anyway?

Good question

Just use his mothers house as an address the letter will get to him my ex thought not responding to them would make them go away but I gave them his parents address and his phone number they called him

It sounds like it's dawning on both of you that your life is much better without him in it, and he doesn't like how that feels, hence him feeling the need to go on about how happy he is, when clearly his life is quite crap! Cocklodging with someone he just met, in a place she can only afford if he pretends not to live there, with no furniture and a bath full of cat poo. Sounds great. I would just give him the same bland reply every time, "that's nice" or similar, to show how unbothered and uninterested you are, until he gets bored.

And find out the address through whatever means necessary and submit a CMS claim.

@Theunamedcat I tried that but I got a letter saying unable to locate and would close my case down and that was with his mothers address and his mobile number

@ReadingTime yeah I will do and I have been like that but when I’ve asked for payment he now blanks me where as used to say I’ll pay double next week and when my son had a play on at school I asked him to go as I couldn’t get day off work and he blanked me where as few weeks ago he would of responded he is so cold now and I wish I would give myself a shake and stop crying on a night over him

lol- so true !!or realises he has to do his own domestic stuff when he wasn’t doing so before -

Op why does his girlfriend’s children live with her mother?

this indicates something very serious

@Chillithai I have sent you a message earlier

@Ashleyp92 this stage won't last forever, you're grieving the relationship and the man you thought you had, which is natural. Maybe each time after you've had a good cry, do something nice for yourself to turn your thoughts towards the future and the peacefulness you now have in your house. Gradually you'll spend less time feeling sad and your peace and contentment will grow.

Yes just read and responded

@ReadingTime thank you I am a lot better than I was 6 months ago when I wouldn’t eat or sleep or talk. I have a good life just hurtful that he can say he left for a happier life it makes me feel like rubbish

He's full of shit and it trying to put a positive spin on his rubbish situation, try not to give it any head space because it's clearly BS.

@ReadingTime I know I will try not to I suppose time is a good healer as I have tried everything else

they both sound like a right pair of useless dickheads.
you sound awesome. Don’t give them anymore of your headspace!

@CharlotteLightandDark ah thank you I don’t feel great feel worthless I would understand if he went on to better his life

Op this. hurts like fxck - of course! He has betrayed you and let you down - and left you in a really difficult situation - for now!

IN the long term I absolutely promise - you are the winner.

He has chosen a shallow selfish path - and he will reap what he sows

You are being an in the moment present parent, however hard that is, to your beautiful children. You will be the one who leads them, is the better parent, is there for them - that is the important path in life not the shallow teenage path he has taken.

I have seen friends go through this - I'm in my 40s and I have 3 or 4 friends whose partners have left them for younger women and similar selfish situations

I can tell you 100 per cent within a couple of years, after recovering from the trauma and heartbreak - my friends are FLYING with confience and wellbeing while their loser selfish ex's are far behind