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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

At wits end

28 replies

tryingtocarpediem · 06/11/2025 07:31

Last night our 18 year old was really winding us up to the point of ‘just leave the room’ and he wouldn’t do as we asked. Dh and I both riled but I’m not shouting but loudly saying. Leave the room. Dh flips and shouts, tells him to F off several times. Calls him a nob and various other names. Charged him out of the room while angry and swearing. It was just awful. My other child comes out telling him to stop swearing and shouting. We are all shell shocked by his out burst. I went to my room after. I don’t go back to talk to him as he’s so defensive and it’s guaranteed to be another shouting match. I text him to say he needs help and he was out of line but he disagrees and doesn’t see any of it. It’s just so unbearable. I suppose I’m writing this down to just get off my chest and for some confirmation that it’s all a bit mental.

OP posts:

Original poster

tryingtocarpediem · 10/11/2025 04:56

Thank you for all your responses. We still aren’t really talking. He’s not apologised for anything. Not even asked what’s going on or wanted to discuss it. It’s an ongoing thing in general. He’ll never apologise for anything and never want to discuss things or have hard conversations. It’s impossible to be with someone who’s so defensive.

OP posts:

Giggorata · 10/11/2025 05:21

AttilaTheMeerkat · 06/11/2025 10:08

Do not use stress as an excuse for your H's behaviour here.

I am certain your H can manage his stress perfectly well when he is at work and would never dream of talking to his work colleagues like he barked at your son yesterday. And why are you with a man who is often shouty and angry?.

Exactly.
If you often shield your sons from your husband's angry outbursts by getting him out of the room before he blows up, it is your husband who is the problem.

And SwanSong30 is spot on. So many people ready to chuck their adolescents out.. they are only adults legally (and I think that was an appalling error) not cognitively or emotionally.

WaryHiker · 10/11/2025 05:28

Is it possible that your son's neurodiversity is genetically linked to your husband's? If so, it's a little more complicated then if they were both neurotypical. They are both going to have rigid thought patterns and be unwilling to let up and take the social cues to walk away in the way that you might.

Not that that excuses your husband in any way. He acted like a complete twat and needs to take responsibility for that. But a diagnosis might help him going forward and also help you as a couple.

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