So ive debated writing this as I'm worried about if the person finds out, but if they do I hope they understand it came from concern, love and needing outside views, opinions and advice etc. And also that I want to grab her take her far away and make her see sense. It's very frustrating to everyone he's charming kind friendly nice and cannot do enough! He's narcissistic without a doubt but when she tries to open up to him and drops the wall she puts up she tells him her insecurities her worries her fears as you know you should be able to do with a partner? But yet... somewhere down the line in an argument either where she's tried to talk to him if she's upset or needing support he's then used those as ammunition.
He's a gremlin.
I don't like him at all not at all really to see my friend go from having so much confidence and self esteem to then being down at zero. The light has completely gone from behind her eyes she's lost so much weight, doesn't go out, became a hoarder, more irritable, emotional, gets extremely overwhelmed with everything and feels as if a task will become a failure.
She re did the flooring at their house and I was proud of her for it but he wasnt... it wasnt good enough.
Took a long time to do etc blah blah now id like to add also he doesn't do any diy jobs, gardening, decorating etc he will cook clean and stuff but when she's found confidence to want to do something like gardening or some form of renovations he's then at her as to why the dishes weren't done or the washing when she's been busy with something else that's needed doing.
The dryer needing fixing so she fixed it immensely proud and felt accomplished with herself which was nice to see on her face but.. yes of course...
Again not good enough.
It's like he enjoys seeing her lost broken miserable and down. But says he loves her and cares (bollocks)
I hate him i really do but out of respect for her i keep my mouth shut she knows id be there in a hertbeat if it got bad and yes id open my mouth then.
hes isolated her away from friends and family also so she has nobody else apart from me but he thinks weve fallen out and dont speak but we do daily which I'm extremely grateful for as i do worry about her.
So.. I'm at a complete loss with what to advise with my friend.
We've been friends since kids and have a very strong friendship she's basically my sister.
She's been seeing a man for around 8 years now ive met him he's no children, never married, works etc and appears to be a respected member of his work and community.. so you'd think.
But behind closed doors ive heard him emotionally abuse her with cruel, vile, horrid words that have undermined her personality, appearance, views, opinions etc...
He's even caused damage to her neck where they're was a incident with a window and yet he dismissed and justified it with "it was an accident" along with that she said something to rile him up. (That one took the piss)
Anyway... I've spoken to her at great length and urged her to leave him that she'd be better of without him and id help her etc etc but she won't she has openly admitted that she's waiting for him to change and that when things are good he's then the man who she fell in love with but when things are bad she feels like she's in trouble or punished.
That's not love.
He never admits responsibility either or owns up to his shit either. I've pulled him a few times and he's actually had the cheek to say to me that she's Unstable! She needs to see a dr about her moods and has anger issues lmao! Yes she snapped at him and went ape shit yet now its used as the above.....
He constantly belitles her if she's feeling confident about something he will knock her down a peg or two with some crappy comment. I've seen my friend go from happy, bubbly, confident, my little weirdo (we call each other that) ❤️, empty, broken, a shell, quiet and constantly apologising. It's killing me tbh. She won't leave him because of money issues and I suspect there is a trauma bond there too, I need some advice please as I'm worrying about her also please be kind and as honest as possible regarding this post and what you'd advise.
I know and she knows that if it ever got bad and dangerous with him she would call the police. She knows my opinion of him even though I smile through gritted teeth just for her when she knows I want to make several voodoo dolls of the creature he is! Grrrr.
Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thankyou xx❤️❤️