AIO

[Tired26]

I’m literally going crazy. I have no idea how I’m feeling, just keep replaying the conversation over in my head! Beyond mad at him!
Background- been with partner on and off for 33 years but back together for 10 year straight! No infidelity! Partner goes to a family funeral in another country, he has lots of family flying in from his home country and other countries for the funeral so the family homes are quite busy with aunts and cousins etc. Anyway on a video call with him, he mentioned that he has to share his bed with a female for 2 nights (she lives in the country he went to), I asked who was the female and he explain that it was a cousins adopted daughter (not an official adoption just was taken in by his cousin at a young age) female is now a grown lady in her 50s (just a bit younger than him) he has known her from they were kids and he said they used to play together when they were small! Then he goes on to say that she moved to a different part of the country and had 3 kids herself, he then said he asked her “how comes you moved and had 3 kids but never gave me nothing” and her reply was “you never told me you was interested, you went back to your country, if you was interested why didn’t you call” I now feel that at some point over the time they must of been interested in each other for them to have that conversation and they have now made it clear to each other they were! Friends think I’m being silly and have said if that was the case he wouldn’t have told me about the conversation! And they think he was just bantering as he is a wind up kinda guy! I’ve feel like I should ask questions. 1. Who was there when this was said, as if it was in front of his family it’s disrespectful as they know we’re together and I talk to them all. 2. Was it just said between him and the female? If so where? As they shared a bed for two nights, I’m now crashing out that something may have happened with them sharing a bed.
I messaged him and said “I don’t get why he was comfortable to tell me about sharing a bed and the conversation between him and this female, he sent back 😂 a laughing face. I’m now not talking to him unless I really have to, even then my tone is cold and I come off the phone as soon as possible, but he is being his normal self.
What’s everyone’s take on this? Thank you!

As the adage goes: "the best lie is the one that's closest to the truth." He's admitting they shared a bed and that they both fancy each other. Obviously you know him better than us, but I'd be assuming they was sex involved unless he can disprove it (which he can't). I'd also think that a bloke with this mindset is likely to be a serial cheat.

So you're not doing the pick me dance because this woman lives in another country, so you don't perceive her as a threat to your relationship. That kinda of suggests you don't mind him sleeping with with other women as long as they don't 'steal' him away.

I wouldn't listen to a word of what he says on his return. Tell him you're belief is that he's cheated on you, and insists he gets an sti check. While it's fairly unlikely that he's caught something, insisting he gets checked reinforces that you know he's been shagging around.

I absolutely would mind if he’s sleeping with other women, but believe me when I say this man does not go out anywhere, he goes to work and comes home and I’m not going with him he doesn’t go out! I think he has slight social anxiety. I have full access to his phone he doesn’t hide anything on it, he will leave it with me and go to bed and he is not technically minded so he wouldn’t no how to hide anything, he can delete but that’s about it.
And believe me there’s no sex going down here anytime soon without an sti check and like you say if he doesn’t kick off about having one then there’s my answer. Do I think he slept out on me I have no idea right now, last month I would if 100% said absolutely not! Do I think he initiated it, probably not, but do I think if she tired he would have said no! No I don’t! But the sex is secondary right now, it’s the disrespect first and whether he cheated after.

Are you financially independent/own your own property?
This boyfriend doesn't sound brilliant. Choosing to share a bed with another woman is lowlife behaviour by him.

Under no circumstances would I accept my DH sharing a bed with another woman.

he’s not even your DH. Say no

I am yes.

I’d be livid if my partner did this then proceeded to be all smug and goady about it. It would be game over for us.

Would your DH be happy if you shared a bed with a man you fancied? Bet he wouldn’t.

@Tired26, how are things going now?

I was livid, I don’t think in all the years he has known me, he has ever seen me so angry. I am not letting this slide even though he swears up and down he didn’t sleep with her and they are just friends and that she even said he wasn’t ever interested in her which is why it was “banter”

Thank you for checking in, I appreciate that.

Hows things going? Not great. He swears up and down it was banter, and she is just a friend/family! I really don’t give a crap how long he’s known her if he can’t see what he has done is wrong, then he will feel because I can’t see myself staying with him. I’m drained and sleeping alone.

You sound awsome OP.

A woman who takes no prisoners, we need to clone you.

I had to read this three times to believe my eyes that a husband tell his wife he had to share his bed two nights with another woman! Say what!!! Get outta here!

I know it’s inbelievable !
He was probably hoping OP would be seething with insecurity and jealousy but instead OP is having none of it and is kicking him to the kerb !
Well done OP !