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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What is this talk?

14 replies

PinkPowerRangers · 04/11/2025 21:24

I’ve been seeing a guy for 3 months, great dates, texting in between most days.
seems to be going good, we have had sex which was also good.
both stated we aren’t seeing anyone else.
he said last time we were together something along the lines of wanting things to be more ‘intimate’ between us and have more connection.
I would like the same but I am afraid to invest more emotionally without knowing what exactly this is.
I am open to be in a relationship but I’m not sure how to broach it, we haven’t discussed really if we are headed that way or if we are just in a ‘situationship’ of sorts who are friends that happen to have had sex.
I feel like dating now is so complicated I don’t want to say or do anything that will ruin it as I’ve heard of people being ghosted and messed around.
I just want to protect my own peace.
if it is just a hang out and hook up situation then I don’t really want to have that emotive connection as I will develop feelings, however if he is open to more then I am also.
I’ve been very clear that I’m not open to blending families etc and that any potential romantic relationship would be completely separate from my family life for at least a year as I don’t want my kids getting mixed up in it etc.
am I being unreasonable/ unrealistic.
I just don’t know how to date. Been single for 2 years and was married before that so this is all a bit new.
just needed to offload I think and look for opinions
thank you for reading my ramblings

OP posts:
Endofyear · 04/11/2025 22:49

You've only been seeing each other for 3 months, why not just relax and enjoy dating and see where it goes? In a few more months you'll probably both know if you want it to become a more permanent relationship or not.

mondaytosunday · 04/11/2025 23:10

Surely if he’s saying he wants more intimacy that means a romantic relationship? You aren’t friends, you’re dating. You don’t date friends. You may have friends you start to date…
I think you need to relax. Just enjoy it. If you want to gen one closer then do so. I mean a relationship shouldn’t be analysed - it should be as you feel.
As fur the kids that’s up to you but rather than putting a date on it go with how you feel. I met my DH’s kids after a month because he said I was part of his life and he could NOT compartmentalise it.

Original poster
PinkPowerRangers · 04/11/2025 23:17

I just need to relax into it I think. I have lots of walls up because I am afraid of ‘feeling’ something because I have been so used to just feeling numb and indifferent to anyone.
thank you for replying

OP posts:
JudgeBread · 04/11/2025 23:24

mondaytosunday · 04/11/2025 23:10

Surely if he’s saying he wants more intimacy that means a romantic relationship? You aren’t friends, you’re dating. You don’t date friends. You may have friends you start to date…
I think you need to relax. Just enjoy it. If you want to gen one closer then do so. I mean a relationship shouldn’t be analysed - it should be as you feel.
As fur the kids that’s up to you but rather than putting a date on it go with how you feel. I met my DH’s kids after a month because he said I was part of his life and he could NOT compartmentalise it.

I dunno, pal of mine was seeing a guy and he said he wanted to talk about deepening their relationship and having more intimacy. She thought like you that he wanted to pursue and exclusive romantic relationship. Turned out he wanted her to peg him.

Anyway OP, it's only been 3 months. I'd say that's firmly in the "just enjoy it and don't worry about sticking a label on it" box! If you say or do something that "ruins" it (you probably won't) then it wasn't meant to be anyway!

eone · 04/11/2025 23:25

I would ask him if this means he wants you both to be exclusive, if it's progressing to girlfriend / boyfriend set up, or whether he just wants to continue dating. That way you are only asking what his intentions are and aren't pushing for any declarations.
I'm like you, I would want to protect my peace of mind and invest time and heart in a right relationship.
If he sees you as his girlfriend he will step up and won't dissappear.

WallaceinAnderland · 04/11/2025 23:27

It does sound like it might a sex thing.

Terrytheweasel · 04/11/2025 23:28

JudgeBread · 04/11/2025 23:24

I dunno, pal of mine was seeing a guy and he said he wanted to talk about deepening their relationship and having more intimacy. She thought like you that he wanted to pursue and exclusive romantic relationship. Turned out he wanted her to peg him.

Anyway OP, it's only been 3 months. I'd say that's firmly in the "just enjoy it and don't worry about sticking a label on it" box! If you say or do something that "ruins" it (you probably won't) then it wasn't meant to be anyway!

Show quote history

I did think similar tbh
sounds like he might be preparing to tell you he’s into something kinky

Bigneonsign · 04/11/2025 23:29

If you aren't sure what he meant when he said what he said why didn't you say - 'What do you mean? Please elaborate?' Was that just the end of the conversation?

You then say 'i don't want to do anything to ruin it'.

Being unclear and poor communication could ruin it. TALK to him, ask him what he means if things aren't clear. It's a cliche but I really do believe the 'you can't say the wrong thing to the right person' stuff.

Apillthatmakesyousayalltherightstuff · 04/11/2025 23:34

Terrytheweasel · 04/11/2025 23:28

I did think similar tbh
sounds like he might be preparing to tell you he’s into something kinky

Show quote history

Yep, my first thought was a sex thing. Dunno if mn has put that in my head though! 😬

Probably best to ask him what he meant, but while you're out having lunch rather than in bed.

Missj25 · 04/11/2025 23:37

eone · 04/11/2025 23:25

I would ask him if this means he wants you both to be exclusive, if it's progressing to girlfriend / boyfriend set up, or whether he just wants to continue dating. That way you are only asking what his intentions are and aren't pushing for any declarations.
I'm like you, I would want to protect my peace of mind and invest time and heart in a right relationship.
If he sees you as his girlfriend he will step up and won't dissappear.

Yeah I agree with this advice & that would be me too, as in protect my peace of mind & invest my time & heart in a right relationship 👌

DBD1975 · 05/11/2025 00:53

Tell him how you feel and what you think OP.
Better to find out now how he feels and how he views the relationship rather than invest more time in a relationship if it is going nowhere as you will only become more emotionally involved and invested.

Pryceosh1987 · 05/11/2025 01:08

Intimacy may not just be sex but other things like hugging, kissing and comfort at home and conversation which is personal and honest.

WallaceinAnderland · 05/11/2025 01:34

Pryceosh1987 · 05/11/2025 01:08

Intimacy may not just be sex but other things like hugging, kissing and comfort at home and conversation which is personal and honest.

Yes but not many men would want a serious talk about that after dating for just 3 months.

When they say 'intimacy' or 'connection' - they usually mean sex. I reckon there's a good chance he just wants to suggest something in that department.

Pryceosh1987 · 05/11/2025 02:03

WallaceinAnderland · 05/11/2025 01:34

Yes but not many men would want a serious talk about that after dating for just 3 months.

When they say 'intimacy' or 'connection' - they usually mean sex. I reckon there's a good chance he just wants to suggest something in that department.

Show quote history

I talk from personal experience.

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