Disappearing friend.. Re-appears but no contact. WWYD

[afternooncoffeebythefire]

"Emma" and I met at college nearly 30 years ago. We were on the same course and quickly became inseparable.
Over the years, "Emma" has struggled on an off with her mental health but has never wanted to get proper medical advice/treatment/support. She had a tendency to go down rabbit holes with Dr Google and self-diagnosed with various conditions including: Clinical depression and schizophrenia. No medical input at all.
Due to her poor MH, Emma has often dropped off the social radar for long periods, but always kept in touch by Christmas cards and birthday cards. Could go years with physically seeing her (her choice, I never pestered for contact) but she would never forget occasions like birthdays.
3 years ago the cards all stopped. She moved about 2 hours' drive away from myself and other friends in our small circle of friends, changed phone number (none of us have new phone number of hers, but the old one is disconnected), no WhatsApp messages can be sent, she's disappeared of FB.
At weekend, I was using Instragram and in the messages bit (where I messaged her a few times over the last 3 years asking if she's ok, without answer), Instragram showed her as last being "active" on her account a few hours ealier.
So, she's using Instragram but has basically ghosted us.
What do we do?

You do nothing.

You have had ZERO contact in any form with her for 3 years

Leave her be

What do you mean, what do you do?!

It’s been three years. Take the hint and do nothing. She’s not interested. If she’d wanted to stay in touch with you, she would have done.

I wouldn't do anything. She is able to contact you if she wants to, she is choosing not to.

Nothing.

My sister did this to me. I cannot contact her becuase she changing her number and she doesnt want me to visit her. I stay in contact where possible, but we must respect their decisions to walk away.

She ghosted you, that's it. Her mental illnesses are her burden, not yours. You've put up with more than I would have. Leave her to it, maybe she has a fabulous life and is medicated and in therapy and thriving.

What do you want to do?

How long ago did she change her number, are you sure she has ghosted you, and not just being slow to update?

Your post switches between I and we and sounds a bit critical to be honest (‘rabbit hole of google’ etc). Although it sounds like you’ve been supportive of her dipping in and out.

Are you sure she hasn’t had medical support? I have two relatively similar diagnoses and one of them involved a wait to be diagnosed. I don’t tend to talk about the professional support I’ve had - conversations with friends would be more focused on anything I need as an adjustment / reason for time out / explanation of seeming a bit off etc.

Even with the two diagnoses, keeping up my social life is a struggle sometimes - medications haven’t worked brilliantly for me, although other therapies were helpful. So it’s not been a magic solution to where I was pre-diagnosis - ie I still ‘disappear’ from friends sometimes, and for me this helps by reducing input and stimulation in a busy world.

Are you concerned, or just annoyed that she seems to have moved off from your lives psychologically?

You contacted her, she’s read it and hasn’t replied. There’s nothing you can do. She’s an adult with free will.

There could be a million reasons why she’s acted the way she has but unless she decides to contact you, it’s not for you to know unfortunately.

Unfollow her on sm? Otherwise you’ll be on all the time checking, not healthy.

She has made a choice. I’d respect that choice.

Should she pop up again, you too have a choice as to whether you want a relationship with her again.

One of my closest friends did this - completelycut herself off from us for no obvious reason and it hurt a lot. Many years later a mutual friend came across her staff profile in a work context and sent me the link, which had her email address and phone number. I wondered whether to contact her, but didn't because it felt stalkerish. I had to tell myself that it was enough to know she was alive and seemed to be getting on ok. She could find me if she wanted to, she clearly doesn't and I have accepted that. It is ok to be sad about it.