Some background context for this story. We currently live in a home with three other roommates in which we are the home owners. One of our tenants has a boyfriend who occasionally sleeps over and is known to have night terrors and sleep walking. This was never really a problem and he had really only stood up out of bed before to our knowledge. This was until a night a few weeks ago.
My wife's sister was throwing a house warming party and was inviting some guests from out of town. We offered to host two of her female friends in our guest room. Everyone in our household and her friends went to the party and all returned to our house for the evening. Sometime during the night, our roommate's boyfriend got out of bed sleep walking and ended up walking into the guest room where the two girls were sleeping. Being half conscious he attempted to crawl into bed thinking he was in our roommates (his girlfriends room) in which he ends up touching one of the girls legs and they wake up and scream him out of the room. He has our roommate try and knock and apologize, but the guests had already left to go rent a hotel room.
Starting the next morning we hear about the situation. Our roommate apologizes to us letting us know what happened. Her boyfriend has a history with sleep-walking and hasn't ever been creepy around women, so we feel confident he wasn't intentionally doing it. Still we tell him he isn't allowed to sleep over anymore and we will figure out the next steps as we process through it. After mulling it over for a few days, my wife tells me she is not going to be comfortable seeing him ever again. I like our current roommate, but my wife's comfort is more important so we talk with our roommate about her moving out.
Our roommate doesn't take the news well and ultimately ends up mad at us, but proceeds to start moving out. She tells us her boyfriend is going to assist her with the move out process, but won't be spending the night. My wife is mad about this as she doesn't want him around at any point. I think it is better just to have him help so she is out faster. This ultimately leads to my wife and I having a discussion on how I would have handled the situation if I wasn't letting her lead. I tell her I don't think our roommates boyfriend was intentional with this, but he did mess up pretty bad. So I told her I would be okay with him not spending the night and only coming over if he took steps to earn forgiveness.
My wife is very upset that I feel this way. What he did by touching them was sexual assault and he should be gone forever because of this. I tell her if she feels that way I support her in it, but I am not a female so I don't pretend to know what she would expect the consequences for him to be or if she would ever be okay with him being around. She was still not content with this answer and said I should have never been okay with him being around under any circumstance and doesn't know how she can feel safe with me if I don't realize this.
Should I have ever considered giving our roommates boyfriend a second chance? Or is my wife right that even though it wasn't intentional what he did was so bad we should have cut him out completely?
I appreciate all the feedback!