Have you ever split up?

[Sctty]

Have you ever split up a relationship?

I have 2 kids and feel so guilty at doing it! We have been miles apart for weeks/months now.. we have also been saving for a mortgage so I would feel guilty at ruining that.. I feel I have to get the mortgage and pay for it going forward so that my kids have a house… am I wrong? Or right?

How long have you been together? Are you married? How old are the kids?

If it’s only weeks or months and is a communication problem rather than abuse or infidelity isn’t it worth trying to reconnect and keep your relationship and family together?

We have been together about 9 years… but the last 2 years have been horrible! Feels like we are only together for the kids who are 6 & 11

I think there has been probably for months.. (pushing years) but where do I even start.. she will never be up for anything else! So it is either something forced or I need someone else

Yes. Glad I did it - due to domestic abuse.

My DCs are young adults.

It was definitely the right decision but OMG it's been so hard. I'm really missing family life.

Do you think it would be harder with young children?

So you struggled but that was with older kids? It’s such a that’s decision! I know I would be happier but scared of what I do to my kids.

Yes. I think the split would be much harder with young children. However. It would have been better for my health to have left earlier. With the stress of the abuse and various other issues, I now have a chronic illness and am too unwell to work.

I have had to make many sacrifices by splitting up. For example - my 2 DCs are now on holdiday with my ex and I feel really envious of the amount of time he is able to spend with them and I am finding that very difficult. But the pros have definitely outweighed the cons.

My DCs were 18 and 20. It was 2023 and I’m still finding it very difficult

You’ve been together 9 years, the kids are 11 and 6? So the elder has a different father?

I’ve been married and divorced twice, three children with my second (ex) husband. Despite the obvious financial and practical difficulties when stretching income to manage separate homes, and the sheer relentless caring, feeding and transporting children around, I don’t believe staying together “for the children” is often the right decision.

No, I’ve totally got that wrong!! Apologies! My so. Is 11 so it’s actually 13/14 years! Both kids are mine 100%!

Just read the second part of your message.. how did it go for the financial/personal side of things?

There’s no doubt about it. It’s a blow to the kids. I split out from my ex when my daughter was only two, and as she learnt to talk, she started saying she wished we were together.

However, it was the best thing for me. If you’re unhappy it then permeates your parenting. What’s really important is that the split is amicable. I had a very vindictive ex who created so much tension and difficulty. Hopefully you and your partner can make a go of it being a pleasant coparenting relationship. If you can manage that then it will be smooth sailing.

First marriage, no children, husband bought out my share of the house, that sum went towards the deposit for the house bought with my second husband.

Three kids later, second husband a high earner, he was.pretty generous financially but not with his time. He moved out and enjoyed freedom, I stayed in the family home, worked part time and did 99% of the parenting. Kids all grown, I’m retired, and realise too late that I should have thought much more about my pension.

I don’t pretend it was easy nor that the kids weren’t affected, splitting up was for selfish reasons. They’d undoubtedly have preferred us to stay together, but they’d have preferred us not to have got to the point that it was impossible.

Hope you can sort CMA

You forgot how long you had been together and said you’d been together for less time than your oldest child? Strange.