When did you know it was the end

[YourGoldSheep]

Dp and I are going through a very difficult rough patch, due to pil over involvement. When did you know things were far too gone to fix? Or have you ever hit a right patch and came out the other end stronger?

When he had an affair. One boundary crossing I could never forgive. As soon as I found out, that was marriage over as far as I was concerned.

I feel 100% In the same position right now! I think the same way s you don’t want it to be over but feel you know it really know it is… weird maybe, but DM me? I don’t know if that’s not real but genuinely just need to talk this through?!

When I saw through it all and made the links.
He had an ex. She had moved out a year before we met. She lived alone and was single. He met me. We started a steady, slowish relationship. All looked good. He was kind, decent and reliable.
This carried on for about 4 years. We didnt live together but spent a lot of time together. He would mention the ex. Said he was asked to mow her lawn, she wanted him to hang a light bulb, she wanted him to fix a door etc. I took it at face value. He would pepper his chat with talk that they werent compatible etc.
His ex was on SM. Her accounts were open. Very cosy pic of him and her at a festival. She standing close in the neck of his arm. This was a night he was going out with 'friends' then apparently they cancelled and she asked him last minute.
We carried on. Her SM kept open. He then mentioned to me he was getting a 'smoked salmon' for some random friend of his sisters as she asked him for one.
A few days later on her SM was pics of them taking a nice walk together, him looking wistfully into the distance over a fence. And yes, a pic of smoked salmon.
That was it. We were done.

Almost all of the workload of looking after the kids fell on me, despite me being the breadwinner by a pretty high margin and him working part time. He would have them one day per week, I worked from home and he constantly interrupted.

We worked in an industry when we both had a busy period at the same time. The final straw was when he said proudly to me that he had sorted out the busy period by deliberately focusing on more quality and less quantity time with the kids. He hadn’t booked more childcare or spoken to me about it or asked a family member to stay - he just dumped the extra on me and couldn’t see a problem.

We limped on for about another year after that, but I knew in that moment that there was no chance for us going forward.

When I simply stopped caring 🤷🏻‍♀️

On paper, our marriage looked fine from the outside. But I was totally miserable. His job always came before me and our 3 tiny DCs. He was money obsessed (even though we were perfectly comfortable). We were living as nothing more than housemates. I found myself wishing he’d cheat, to give me a more legitimate reason to end it and leave him.
The second that thought entered my head, I knew I had to pull the plug. And I did.

I’ve since remarried and it’s just highlighted even more the things that were so very wrong with my first marriage.

If you're not working together as a team it's not going to work. That applies to all relationships.