Healthy ways to heal and move on

[SofiaJessica4]

Two weeks ago I ended a LDR (US/UK) where we were planning to get married to close the distance.

It hasn't come at a great time, as my therapist is on a months break and is away at the month. I have friends and family around me. I'm very sad and I miss him, despite knowing it probably wouldn't have worked. There were multiple barriers to closing the distance and I felt like his mum a lot of the time.

Please tell me your best breakup comforts, techniques, new bucket list items etc. I went through a terrible divorce back in 2018 so I have an idea but at the moment in the pits that knowledge seems to have disappeared.

He felt like the person who understood me the most and we were very emotionally close, it's hard being without it. He doesn't want to start back up so we're definitely done. I'm 39 and tired but hope I can be open to someone else, eventually.

Trying to distract myself and would definitely welcome food, movies, techniques, commiserations, anything you've got!!

How long had you been together and how often did you actually see him in person?

and I felt like his mum a lot of the time.

even though lived thousands of miles apart?

He doesn't want to start back up
So since you breaking up with him a fortnight, you had second thoughts and tried to get back with him?

Not sure I have specific techniques but I find getting angry helps. And failing that remember a few weeks from now you'll find yourself thinking of him slightly less before you realise you haven't thought about them at all that day. Then you'll know you're on the mend. Good luck x

@Overdonecabbage together a year, we had 4 visits of a month each and spoke everyday. When together I felt like his mum, eg on holiday I would book, plan and organise everything and when visiting him I noticed he wasn't very on top of things so I felt like I had to be.

I read you last thread about when you visited
and you spent the entire time cleaning what sounds like an utterly gross house
you sounded very unhappy and disappointed
and he didn’t seem to give a fig

@Overdonecabbage I was very unhappy. I grew up with my dad being low functioning, it used to scare me, and I absolutely need my partner to be very practical and capable for me to feel safe. It scares me if I feel they're not, But I've since questioned if all the good was enough to make up for the bad, as I love him very much. Probably not as the barriers to an international move were huge. I have anxious attachment I think, and hugely panic in a breakup. I'm panicking. But trying not to.

Barely a year
long distance
multiple threads about him being grossly overweight, grossly unclean, he was impatient and he didn’t want to move because understandably worried about not finding work.

and now he doesn’t want to get back together.

OP… I think that anymore time spent on this relationship would have been unpleasant and wasted time. It had been circling the drain for months. And was only a year long anyway!

Revisiting your past threads about this man Op will surely help you “move on” (if it doesn’t make you feel nauseous)