I'm shamelessly going to use MN to log things happening to me. These events lead to me questioning my reality and sanity.
Sunday 02 November 2025.
Meeting members of my family for a lunch to celebrate my mums birthday.
DH has said he doesn't want to go as he doesn't trust me family, knows what they think of him and doesnt want to be fake.
Below, anonimised text I've sent to DH for context. It's long, they mostly are because it's predominantly how we communicate outside of day to day stuff.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
You are only fixated on how you feel, your hurt, your struggle, and your victimhood.
You keep dragging things back and trying to pull me into it. It isn't fair, but I'm trying to understand you and not feel your attacks personally, even though they keep on coming.
Your mood swings are hard to brush off and very, very difficult when trying to create stability and calm along with moving forward.
I can do what you're doing, make comments, have digs, blame you, complain, I know there'd be no understanding or compassion for me in that scenario.
You are consistently punishing me, and I'll take it because you're not in a good place, but this will have its own impact as I'm human, too, I've been hurt and damaged by your actions too and I have just as much right to hold on to it. I'm choosing not to.
Please try to observe yourself. And what you're doing is damaging. You're struggling, I do understand that, but that doesn't give you the freedom to hurt me whenever you feel crap yourself.
You said:
I don't trust your family.
I tried to ask why and understand, I was not combatative.
You then said you can't fake it anymore with them. Well, I can't keep making excuses for you when it's very clear that you spend no time around them, unless they're here. From that place of honesty, because you can't fake it, I'll tell them how you feel. I don't think that's unreasonable. I'm drained pretending, and it's very obvious when you are around them that you don't want to be. You can't complain about isolation and then actively choose to isolate yourself.
Your comment in response that you're only doing what I've been doing for * years isn't fair or honest and then your parting shot after making such extreme and hurtful comments is 'I could be understanding and not combatative'. I'm not being combatative, but you're just hurting me, and that isn't fair, respectful, or kind.
I'll tell and not to be unkind or make you out to be horrible. They're more than aware of our problems, and they're good enough people to still hold space and love for you when you see their goodness for what it is and stop judging them or assuming things that aren't true.
I'm exhausted, too.
I'm depressed too.
I'm struggling, too.
I'm angry, hurt, and in pain, too.
I don't feel good about what's happened to me either.
I'm just not projecting onto you or talking about it all the time. It won't help. You won't understand and give me empathy anyway, and it won't be good for the home environment.
I'm trying to heal while listening to your attacks and, for the most part, not reacting. Please respect that.
It isn't fair to inflict your headspace onto me. Not when my own is so depleted and fragile. Consider going to *** today. It will help you. It's where you need and want to be right now and it'll, in turn, help us.