Financial Order- fair split?

[4andnotcounting]

After 21 + years of crap I have finally grown a pair and submitted my divorce application online today . 🎉

I will list our financial position below. What would you consider a fair split (or more importantly, what would you think a court will consider a fair split?)

previous domestic abuse and currently financial abuse. (Do courts take into account historic social services involvement and
domestic abuse?)

finances-
me:-
own half the house that I live in so my share £100k (other half owned by my relative)
6k in savings
4 children- first in uni - medicine degree (in second year,) second in yr 13, third in year 7 secondary, fourth in year 6 primary
I own a 2k car
work pension couple thousand not much
that’s it

him:-
savings I think around the same as me
no assets owned in uk
may inherit property when his mum dies abroad
owns a car value £4k
no pension worth not much low paid job
that’s it

I have been stay at home mum for a long time but went back to work five years ago. I pay for anything that breaks kids stuff bills. He pays for food bill and that’s it. He paid for a living room re model 15 years ago (about 3k at the time) that’s it.
we have lived a very basic life. (For far too long, go without a lot)

i legally own half my house and I know he is entitled to half that value. I am proposing to court I keep that and he gets no share in it.
i won’t take anything from him (Maintenance) nor come after any inherited property etc in future. He keeps the little he’s got. I keep the little I’ve got.

he will agree to this . ( I won’t go into reasons why in this thread)

I’ve only recently learned the court can get involved if they feel the split isn’t fair??
I really haven’t got it in me
for it to be dragged out or derailed. I often think about jumping off a bridge- I wish I was joking!

my health is suffering and I can’t go on anymore- which has prompted me to just do the divorce application instead of worrying about about the what if.

any professional advice or anyone been in similar situation, I would greatly appreciate any response.

many thanks 💐

Congratulations on taking that step OP!! In terms of finances domestic abuse etc is largely irrelevant to the courts, you don’t get more money in a divorce settlement for being abused. You would have to tackle the abuse separately via the relevant authorities, police etc to press charges.

Everything else goes into a pot, there isn’t yours & his in a long marriage only “ours” but you both need to be able to house yourselves so it’s unlikely a court would agree that you keep 100k property equity unfortunately. You also can’t use maintenance as a bargaining chip in divorce because it’s not enforceable, CMS is entirely separate from divorce and you could get your settlement and apply for it the following day.

@Jellybunny56 thanks.

what do you think they / you would consider a more “fair split?”. All the children want to live with me , not him.

It’s impossible to say really, the starting point is 50/50 and you then make your arguments from there.

You both need to be able to house yourselves, even if that means the kids never stay with him he still needs to be able to house himself, so while you can argue for more than 50% on that basis you’re not going to get 100%.

Future inheritance is also irrelevant, it’s not guaranteed and so that isn’t a bargaining chip either. All you can deal with is what exists right now, it’s all in “the pot” so to speak. Starting at 50/50 with arguments to be made for a bigger % from there.

Are you both working?
Where is he going to live? Can he afford to do so?
Whilst I think you should be able to trade off maintenance against other assets, you basically can't, because you could always apply later and overturn any court agreement.
Another option might be to say that the house is sold in "N" years time, so he gets some more cash later down the line -- although that is not all that common these days.

Was the property the marital home? Did you own it before marriage?

Unfortunately it looks like that is the only significant asset so you may need to buy him out.

Yes courts may object if they deem it unfair but if he can show that he understands the implications especially if he has had legal advice and you both reason why (eg the kids will live with you all the time and it's their home). The courts should be ok with an unbalanced split.

The real problem will likely be if he causes issues with the process.

@UnemployedNotRetired yes both working, don’t claim benefits . His family
wont let him sink (we’ve split twice before and he’s never been homeless)
I don’t think he deserves a share , but i know it doesn’t work like that- I don’t want to go over old ground.
I bought it before he came over (spouse visa)

i hate him so I know it is clouding my judgement. What do readers think is fair ? And what the court will deem fair. I need a rough idea :(

So I showed DH your post as he’s a very senior divorce lawyer and asked him what he thinks. I’m paraphrasing a lot as can’t remember the extract legal terms he used but the crux of what he said is:

1. You can’t agree a deal that removes his requirement to pay child maintenance, only spousal maintenance. So you keeping the house in exchange for him not paying child maintenance wouldn’t fly and would be disregarded.
2. If you have both not received legal advice, then a judge may look at whatever you have agreed more closely. Effectively, when you send in your documents you need to also provide an explanation of why you have reached the financial agreement you have. The judge then decides if he is willing to rubber stamp it. If he can see that neither of you have received legal advice and that the financial agreement if heavily weighted in one party’s favour then he may decide that he needs to speak with you both and require more information before granting the divorce.
3. That said, if after speaking with both parties and understanding why both parties are happy with the agreement, it would be unlikely that a judge would overrule that agreement.

He also said that the judge will absolutely take into account any forms of abuse and therefore this should be disclosed.

I’d say you’d probably need to give him around 30% things that haven’t happened yet, like he might get inheritance, don’t count at all.

I was thinking it would be around this figure.

@Franpie thank you. That’s super helpful.

I’ve agreed to he can have all the marital gold (value £30k. The cars value £15k , tv, washing machine, fridge, computer.
does this seem like a fair split or will it be challenged by judge as unfair you think? No share in house .

who has valued the gold? Is that its true second hand valuation ?
the tv/washing machine etc won’t count as assets

Where is he currently living? Is the house you're in now the marital home? If so how long did he live there? It sounds like you own it mortgage free between you and relative? How did that come about?

From what you've said there isn't a particularly large pot of marital assets to divide up. And if you husband doesn't want to claim anything of your house equity there isn't a lot else left. Since it's the primary residence of your children it doesn't seem worth destabilising their home for what's really not that much in the scheme of things, so I would think there's a good chance the judge would approve it.

But as others have said, you can't keep all the house in lieu of future child maintenance from him. So if that's the reason he's currently happy to forgo any value from the house, it might get ugly.

Starting point is 50/50 of marital assets. Why should he not get at least 50k of that to
start with ?

Divorce and agreeing the finance aspects are seperate processes. You either need to agree something with him or be prepared to have to negoatiate via lawyers eating away at the marital pot

When I left my exh of 15 years I left him the house. If you settle out of court then it’s down to you both to decide what is fair. I left my ex everything and started again with the kids.

I think that is very fair. The house is complicated as it is not an asset that can easily be liquidated for a split as you do not own all of it, only 50%.

DH agrees and would find it very surprising if it was challenged. Even if challenged, it can easily be explained due to non-saleability of house.

So you own half the house and he is entitled to half of your half?
Who owns the other half then?

How did you get on with this OP? I'm thinking about a lot of similar questions, and frustrated by where I find myself 😔