Tired bickering or should I be worried?

[AwkwardPaws27]

DH & I drove back from a UK holiday yesterday, 300-odd miles with a 3 year old & dog, & I'm 6 months pregnant. Unfortunately I woke up feeling pretty rough yesterday and had a very upset stomach; very bloated and uncomfortable, diarrhoea and then vomited when we got home. I still did about 40% of the driving but was pretty useless when we got home; I played with DS while DH unloaded the car and then he did bedtime as I was throwing up.

DS is waking up early & with the clocks changing we are currently being woken around 5.45am; so this morning he woke up and I asked DH to get up. DH refused at first and I said I was grateful for what he did last night but that I was still feeling unwell and wiped out from last night, on top of being pregnant, so please would he get up.

He was really unkind, saying he doesn't even know why he's with me, he feels like he is the only one who looks after DS etc. He did get up but was very clearly pissed off. We swapped over about 7.30am so he could get some more sleep.

I'm feeling quite sad. I've tried not to " play the pregnancy card", I've been regularly going to bed shortly after DS to try & manage the exhaustion but I'm finding this time around much harder. I don't know if this is just tired bickering or deeper resentment, but I'm worried it will only get worse when the baby arrives as I expect I will need more support in the early weeks at least.

Your husband is horrible. I’d leave him, but I have little patience these days.

Do you have any family support?

I can't leave and break up my marriage over one terse exchange.

Occasional night of babysitting from my mum or MIL. They certainly wouldn't be coming over if I might have a sickness bug though, & I wouldn't expect them to risk getting unwell.

Jesus Christ, I only had the one child but was a fucking liability in the car at 6m pg!

what you achieved yesterday was Herculean! I don’t doubt your H was also tired, but be realistic, it’s not playing the pregnant card, it’s honestly too much for you atm.

This isn't really just a terse exchange though, is it? You're unwell, irrespective of being pregnant, so why has he forced you to get up at 7.30am so HE can get more sleep? That is not loving, caring behaviour. That's selfish pig behaviour. He won't get any better, and you're about to have another child in the mix. I'd say it's absolutely worth leaving him, what sort of person prioritises their lack of sleep over that of someone that's unwell?

I think there’s a huge chance that this is tired bickering, plus a bit of nerves for the upcoming newborn

be gentle with each other today, be honest with him about how exhausting you’re finding this and if need be thank him for his support (if you can manage that without gritted teeth) 😆

That’s a horrible exchange. I cant imagine my DP ever speaking to me like that.

We have a one year old who’s been ill and teething for 5 weeks straight. She doesn’t sleep. My DP is always trying to let me sleep and look after her.

Aww op what a nightmare 24 hours your had,
OK you need to take out the travelling, its done your both tired, your unwell plus pregnant, so the next few days, look after yourself, only do what needs doing, go to bed when little one goes, rest as and when you can
Maybe after a few days you and h can reflect on these last few days when your both not so tired or you not so unwell,

Basically pick you battles op, for now bed down and look after you and little one, when you feel better then have that conversation with him,
Yes he's not been nice or supportive right now and you do need to address this but when your feeling stronger ,
So tv on for little one make a sandwich or toast, something quick and easy,

The "pregnancy card" wtf is that? Sounds like something to gaslight yourself into invalidating the legitimate difficulties of being pregnant.

Definitely just an element of stress causing conflict here. Holiday, pregnancy, illness and a toddler is a pretty rough combination to be dealing with.

If your husband is otherwise kind an supportive, hopefully things will calm down in time. Pregnancy and babies are difficult hard on your relationship.

I would be more concerned if he stands by what he said in the next couple of days after this immediate stress had gone or if he is capable of admitting that he had just reached the limit of what he could handle and responded in the heat of the moment.

DH emerged at 11am, and was extremely apologetic (without me saying anything first). We have had a frank chat about his actions needing to reflect his words, & that I expect more. I really really hope I don't have to come back to this thread saying its not improved.

I'm in the bath, & DH has taken DS with him to get a food shop. I'm also seriously considering how to increase my earnings post-maternity leave in case things do not improve so I have options.