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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex scared me and then said it was my fault

8 replies

AlmostButNot · 01/11/2025 23:32

Me and my ex split a couple of months ago. We’re coparenting in the same house while we sort out finances etc

whenever we have a discussion they say what they want and then when I try to respond they cut me off or change the subject and I never get to say what I need to say. Tonight we were having a discussion and it was going the same way except this time they started shouting over and over at me to shut up and stop talking when I tried to reply. I didn’t because I felt like I deserved to be heard too and my voice was probably raised slightly, not shouting but slightly louder than usual from trying to be heard over their talking over me if that makes sense.

they screamed shut up at me banged the worktop a few times and then went to pick up a plate in front of them to throw it. They didn’t throw it, they didn’t even touch it in the end but they went to and it scared me. I asked why they were going to throw the plate at me and they said they weren’t going to and it’s sad that I think they would ever do such a thing. But I’m not sure what else I was supposed to think when we were in a tiny kitchen and they went to grab it, two hands, one either side while shouting and being angry. Apparently they were just going to throw it down by their feet which I find hard to believe and I drove them to it by not stopping when they told me to. Said it was a meltdown and not their fault (diagnosed autistic)

there’s never been violence in our relationship. Control issues but never physical violence.

OP posts:
ShenandoahRiver · 01/11/2025 23:37

Did the children hear or see any of this?

AlmostButNot · 01/11/2025 23:41

They were in their bedroom playing together. They didn’t see any of it but possibly heard.

it’s not ideal and I hate that it happened when they were home.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 02/11/2025 00:24

OP, have you got a solicitor? Stop having any conversations with your ex and go through solicitors from now on. Avoid being around him as much as possible. If you do feel physically threatened, call 999. I'm assuming the house is jointly owned and will need to be sold?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 02/11/2025 00:31

What are the circumstances - is the home bought or rented.
One of you needs to move out, it's not fair on the children.

The mother could take the children and go to her local authority as she may gain housing due to domestic violence.

roseymoira · 02/11/2025 00:35

They?

IPM · 02/11/2025 00:36

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 02/11/2025 00:31

What are the circumstances - is the home bought or rented.
One of you needs to move out, it's not fair on the children.

The mother could take the children and go to her local authority as she may gain housing due to domestic violence.

there’s never been violence in our relationship. Control issues but never physical violence.

Plus, as the OP has done the 'they/them' olympics, how do you know it wasn't the mother holding the plate?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 02/11/2025 00:44

I am guessing it was the mother holding the plate. Very hard to tell with all this they/them, why not she and he or she and she or even he and he.

Pryceosh1987 · 02/11/2025 01:11

In a relationship every voice matters, even the voices of relatives.

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