Silent treatment advice needed

[Refreshersweets]

Husband and I have both been giving each other silent treatment usually I give in but I haven’t been able too… finally went to speak he just said he’s not talking as he’s SO angry…
I don’t know how to go from here. It happens a lot and I always give in and I’m not saying I’m innocent but I would say I am majority of time but just want a peaceful life.
For context we got home from Halloween with the kids and he lost it at me because apparently I begged him to finish work early to come take kids trick or treating but instead I went to meet our children’s friend pre trick or treating in a pub. My husband came met us I had a drink waiting for him and assumed that was the plan but he said I should have waited an hour and a half at home considering I begged him… now I don’t know how the miscommunication happened as the day before he asked me what the plans were and I messaged saying prob go for a drink with our friends and feed the children an early dinner before we head out for 5 (I have the receipts/screengrabs) so I don’t understand what happened.
My arguement to him was I firstly didn’t beg him and if I did it wasn’t to be horrible it was to be nice and have fun together I was happy to go by myself (I wish we had now) and be said he was upset he didn’t get to hold our child’s hand but we were with his friends he was off with them.
He was so mad at me last night there has to be more to it but this happens all the time. My life completely revolves round our children and j love it I do everything in my power to make things special for them and put them first in everything I do. He’s always emotional abused me called me horrific names but he’s a good father and can be a good husband at times although I feel he needs me a lot more than I need him. Regardless I’m not ready to split although have been close in last few years but I’m very good at putting things aside as I won’t do it to my children… so any sort of leave messages it’s not an option.
I just need advice on how I try and find an alternative to me apologising as usual just to make lives easier.. although there probably isn’t.
Think more then anything I just need to vent so can put it aside. I hate conflict so much but to have a go at me for organising a nice day for the children and for them not holding their dads hand after I apparently begged him to finish early just makes me feel gross someone can be so selfish…

LTB

He’s not a good father. Don’t delude yourself.

And your children are being damaged.

Are your children witnessing their parents’ silent treatment?

Mate I'm exhausted just reading this post, why do people stay in these miserable shit relationships

Sounds a horrible environment to grow up in

I hope not I walked the dog took our eldest for a hair cut he took him to football we spoke when needed too but more avoided each other and now children in bed I thought we could talk and he’s just gone off to bed

I know everyone says horrible but physically don’t understand how it’s possible to split mortgage house afford too mainly and split childcare?!?

Abusive men are not good fathers.
The way a person treats their partner has a lasting effect on the dc.
Your dc will sense what’s going on. Their physical and mental health will suffer because they will be in permanent fight or flight mode.
I know. I live with my shoulders hunched up round my ears.

Do you not find this abusive?
Shouldn't a normal reaction be for him to be happy for you, say thanks for getting me in a drink and then head out for trick and treating.
Instead he has made you feel guilty for asking him to come, guilty for meeting a friend, and now you're sitting there trying to work out what YOU need to do differently?

Does he do this kind of thing a lot?

It should be…
other parent messaged me today thanking me for grouping the children together saying “you always organise such lovely things” I don’t understand why he couldn’t of seen that with the children. I know it’s something else as I have the screengrabs exhaling the plans but it feels like he’s not got control in work or with his mates so uses me as an outlet.

If you continue as you are ,10 years from now your children will also be using you as an emotional punch bag.

Oh OP, this sounds exhausting.

I have to echo PP's. It doesn't sit okay that you're the one trying to figure out how to make this right when you've done nothing wrong.

Keeping the peace isn't solely your responsibility. He doesn't sound very emotionally intelligent.

I also have to agree that your DC's will sense the atmosphere, even if you think you're doing a good job of covering up the hostility between you and OH.

It sounds like you're a wonderful mum, and it's lovely that you want to make fun memories for your children. Maybe future activities with the kids could be planned minus his involvement.

Read the first sentence and gave up. The silent treatment is pointless. I wouldn’t stand for it. I wouldn’t let my children sulk either. I’ve taught them to deal with issues head on.

What’s he angry about?

He's not a good father. A good father isn't horrid to the mother of his children. End of.

Also, functional adults don't give each other the silent treatment.

Divorce. Why on earth do women have children with complete dickheads like this?

I'm sorry to break it to you but whatever you think you're managing to hide from the kids, people like this once their kids start having a strong opinion and being independent, it turns on them as well. I've seen it happen. So you either leave now or later and if you leave it till later it's all the more problematic for the kids

He calls you horrific names and gives you the silent treatment over minor disagreements? Sorry OP but if you stay with him, you will be miserable.

plenty do it ! He sounds like an immature prat your kids deserve better

I read your post twice and I still can’t understand why he’s angry? Did he want to come trick or treating or didn’t he? Why would he kick off because he didn’t hold his own child’s hand, that’s so bizarre.

What you have to understand about men like this is there is NOTHING you can do to influence their moods. If you say ABC he will demand XYZ. If you do XYZ he’ll insist on ABC. It’s a mind fuck put in place to control you.

I was married to a man like that for 10 years. Note the word “was”. He was giving me silent treatment when I was in labour with DD. I remember him not speaking to me for 2 weeks because I disagreed with him about an item on the news (something to do with Naomi Campbell!).

You ask how to deal with it? You don’t. You just put up with it and every time it happens you care less. Eventually you leave. I feel sorry for my XH now; he’s a sad lonely, middle aged man who has lost everything because he couldn’t help not being a cunt.

Your children are being exposed to regular verbal and emotional abuse in the home.
Children are like sponges.

No, he’s not a good father as he abuses the mother of his children. You responding with your own silent treatment is a double whammy.

Your kids are noticing everything and learning from it. This will be considered normal behaviour by them.

So yes, you are both damaging your children.

You need to leave for their sake.

He didn't get to hold his child's hand ?

He needs to grow up, now.

This is not an adult nor is he a good person / a good husband or a good father.

What you have to understand about men like this is there is NOTHING you can do to influence their moods. If you say ABC he will demand XYZ. If you do XYZ he’ll insist on ABC. It’s a mind fuck put in place to control you.

I can second this. It was absolutely my experience.

You are in a tough position OP. It must feel miserable. It did for me.

Leaving is preferable to living with it, but you have to be able to financially manage it. You need to be working on that. These man just don’t seem to change for the better and there’s nothing you can do to manage him. In my experience you’ll just be walking on eggshells for the rest of your life in an effort to avoid his bullying - if you stay. You need to work on getting out and you have a much better chance of doing that than appeasing him.

In my experience. If you try to beat him with words or attitude, he’ll just come up with a new way to make you feel like you are in the wrong. He thinks differently than you do.

Leaving is always an option. Your kids deserve better