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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Leaving after being cheated on

3 replies

Sarahami · 01/11/2025 19:17

hi all, long story short, my partner of 18 years cheated on me last year and I did chuck him out. I only found out due to the other woman telling me about the affair. He then got poorly and was admitted in to hospital and once he was better he came back home and I wanted to give it ago, however I don’t believe he has done anything to be better person apart from get rid of social media. I feel like I’ve not seen genuine remorse only in the beginning for a few times I did. I feel he doesn’t care about how I feel or making things better. So after sometime. I know someone you on here would say “should’ve left soon as I found out” but it’s easier said than done! I’m now at a point of I do love him and the only person I been with but I dont want to be with him. I want to leave and be free of him, I asked him to move out and he said no he will fix up. I just don’t think anything he says is genuine and I just think he is a liar. For anyone who’s been in my position when did you know it was time and when did you know you have detatched from your partner? I also have 3 children with him and another on the way. My life is just shambles.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 01/11/2025 23:01

It sounds like now is not the right time for you to have the major upheaval of a separation while you're pregnant. When is baby due? I would wait until after you've had the baby and see how you feel then. If you still want to separate then, you need to think about how you're going to achieve that. Are you married? Do you jointly own or rent? Can you support yourself financially? These are the practical matters you need to consider. You can speak to Citizen's Advice for some help.

Pryceosh1987 · 02/11/2025 01:32

You have children with him, keep him around as a great friend with supports the children. This is what i think is best. try couples counselling first and measure if he is at least a good father first before you get him out of your life. You do have 3 kids with him.

Sarahami · 02/11/2025 18:56

It’s just so hard being with him when I feel like he lacks love and respect for me. It almost feels like he is using me and is here out of connivence. I should’ve left when he proved to me he is a cheat. Now I’m literally up the duff and stuck! I do work and will financially get by and be okay. I wish it was different. I just feel love has been lost and it won’t ever come back. Everything he says and does I think he lies. I have also stressed him out a lot by acting like a paranoid lunatic and it’s not fair on him or me. He is a good dad. Just shame he doesn’t know how to be a good partner and I truly believe if he loved me he would be a good partner. The thought of him leaving hurts my heart. But I need to set him free and me. If a person after cheating can’t show remorse. The relationship is surely dead. And one thing I definitely learnt things are easier said than done, it’s a toxic cycle the mind and the heart xx

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