Waiting for co parenting to be over!

[Thegrassroots26]

Does anyone else find they wish away the years due to co parenting? Myself and exh are amicable but the back and forth with the kids, packing bags and just missing them. It’s all a lot practically and emotionally. We split when kids were preteens and now they are teens, so only got another few years now, but it’s just hard.

If you think it's hard for the parents, imagine what the children are feeling like.

Well yeah thanks @Error4O4 for that. Not exactly helpful, but yes sure it sucks for them as well. Are you in a similar boat or do you just pop on with helpful comments like that?

Tbh the kids have coped quite well and potentially saw the difficulties within our relationship themselves which kids quite often do. Yes it’s hard and sad we couldn’t resolve them and stay together but neither can over 50% of married couples, so we aren’t exactly alone or unique in the relationship not being able to be saved.

Hi @Thegrassroots26i could have typed this myself, for some similar reasons, but also because how my ex is as a person and how it affected/impacted me, of course carries on through the child.
Also so many issues, and things he’s done wrong, and he is irresponsible.
So though I think to myself I don’t want my DC to be all grown up, and enjoy the years, in another way yes it might be a bit easier.

well they are teens? Don’t they pack their own bags? Shouldn’t ex have his own things for them? You will be missing them for other reasons soon as teens will not want to spend much time with their parents very soon.

Sorry you’re feeling the same @Redruby2020 and it must be tough when you have an unreasonable ex who causes a lot of other issues in an already hard situation.

Yeah I eldest does and I help the younger one out a bit still. You’re right they have their own lives and friends now and so they are very much moving away from us both as parents.

Sounds hard OP...
As they're teens already, this should start reducing even before they're 18.
I.e. maybe when they're 16 or so they can start communicating directly with their dad ?

Yes one is almost 17, but other a few years younger. It is hard and has been, but I appreciate that is my fault for having a failed relationship.

I'm in a similar boat but on the other side of the spectrum so can relate a bit and from my side when mine is with me, I don't want to take him back

It should be easier. The children are in their teens. Teenage children are kind of independant. The great moments are ahead of you, when the children reach young adult ages. Things will gel nicely for you.

Thank you x

Mine are 12 and 13, and I've just moved to within a couple of miles of xh and walking distance to their school - I'm already seeing that they're at my house more, and they are just about old enough to choose where they want to be, and old enough to be home alone if needed. For me, this is the best point of the co-parenting relationship as the dc are old enough to know what they want and need

Yeah I agree that it has got easier as they are older and we are all in a routine.

At their ages I would suggest it’s now up to them who they live with permanently and they shouldn’t have to do the back and forth unless they want to. And then the responsibility is bo longer on you to pack bags / arrange it

Interesting suggestion and secretly I’d like them to stay here permanently, but fairly sure exh wouldn’t and would be unhappy with that.

I get that. It’s very tough on everyone especially when they are younger too.

I don’t wish away the years as such but only yesterday I commented on how hard it can be.
I don’t have any words of wisdom but wanted to say I get it and many are in the same boat.

Not really, I don’t like my ex but we organise the kids together. Helps we live a few minutes walk from each other and no packing is needed. Also, if anything is at the other house it’s really easy to pop over and get it. Our older kids are free to stay where they want but still stick to staying in both houses in the routine set up years ago.

@Thegrassroots26
it wouldn’t be up to him OP
they are teens and no court is going to get involved if they turn around and say they want to change contact. The 16 year old is enough to vote and nearly drive for goodness sake

Tell Them you want a grown up sit down conversation with them and actually ask their opinion about what they would like to do. It’s completely unfair on them to continue this transient home life and they should have been consulted long before now

I’m not sure about that. I mean it depends if staying in one home is more important, or having time with each of your parents.
We never involved the courts in our separation so that isn’t a road we would go down anyway.
It’s a useful perspective, but I’m unsure if I want to suggest changes right now. Maybe if they say they want to that would be different. Currently it’s every other weekend.

I can imagine it’s exhausting.
At least you’re doing it amicably.
2 of my good friends’ “co parents” are absolute wankers.
I really feel for them both. They show unbelievable levels of self restraint, in order for their children to be able maintain a relationship with those useless fuckers.
Deep breaths all round!

Also I think sone people would be quite pleased to have a child free weekend every other week. Surely this is beneficial sometimes op? A bit of you time?

Yeah it can be. The intensity of doing things alone means you do need that break to recharge and reset.