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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to leave my 10 year relationship

6 replies

Followthestarsxoxo · 01/11/2025 14:08

I’m done! He’s turned so nasty over the last year, he was struggling with mental health for a while and suggested he stayed with his mom for a few days for a break from me and the kids (1&4) he got so angry and I said I was kicking him out, he cornered me in the kitchen in front of the kids, he screamed in my face, snatched the bottle of lemonade off me and stood on it so it went all up me. I kicked him out that day.
Problem is his mom loves it, she loves that he’s horrible to me and the kids, she was the one telling me that me and the kids are the ones stressing him out hence why I advised him to have a break away.
hes also the breadwinner, has full control of everything, i have nothing I’ve been more or less a stay at home mom now for 5 years. I cant even leave and earn enough to afford my own place with my boys but yesterday he hit with a mop, I know now I have no choice but to leave, my mom was in a abusive relationship, I know this is just beginning, he said he won’t do it again and I need to move on, there is absolutely no way I can’t even look at him, I have a bruise from how hard he hit me, we have been married a month tomorrow.

I have half the equity in the house, which I would get maybe £30k i could get a job 30-40 hours a week, but I wouldn’t earn a lot as I have no qualifications. My plan was to go to uni September next year and do a social work degree I was doing this to protect myself for the future as things have got bad recently and I know I need to do something to earn a higher income for me and my boys.
he’s been a good man to me for 9 years, something this year has changed he’s horrible and completely different person.

OP posts:
Sockdays · 01/11/2025 14:18

Have you reported his assault to the police?
Have you reported that your children are seeing him abuse you?

Start from there. Report him.

Followthestarsxoxo · 01/11/2025 14:36

Sockdays · 01/11/2025 14:18

Have you reported his assault to the police?
Have you reported that your children are seeing him abuse you?

Start from there. Report him.

Going to the police isn’t going to give me the outcome that I want, it’s just going to be an excuse to make things worse.
they would arrest him and he would be straight back here and if he wasn't aloud back here he wouldn’t pay the bills and then I would lose everything for me and my kids.

i would have no where to live, no car, no money, nothing. Not for me but for my children, I’ve got to this properly and getting the police involved is not the answer right now, I’ve seen how the police work when I was little with my mom and it doesn’t help in the way people think it does

OP posts:
LomotheGreat · 01/11/2025 16:21

Hey OP,

I'm really sorry this is your reality right now.

Do you have a women's centre or something similar in your area? It might be worth getting in touch with them for support and advice. It's a good idea have someone else (ideally a professional with lots of knowledge and experience) know about the situation you're in. As you're aware, these situations can escalate very quickly, you need to safeguard yourself and your DC.

In my area, council have an obligation to house women fleeing DV. A professional can support you with this if you need to get out fast. It's not always the ideal placement, but your safety trumps being in a dangerous situation with your babies.

Endofyear · 01/11/2025 20:35

Contact Women's Aid for advice OP - it may well be that your local council will house you and the children if you're fleeing abuse. They will be able to help you claim UC and point you in the direction of legal advice.

Mullaghanish · 01/11/2025 20:38

Your local Care company can give you a job and school hours and give you a level three apprenticeship in adult care . The apprenticeship with your local FE. College would also allow you to redo your functional skills English and maths thus upskilling you.. that level three qualification in the NHS will allow you to proceed to be a training associate which goes along with being a year shy of a registered nurse, all for Free

Pryceosh1987 · 02/11/2025 01:46

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