Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Toxic relatives

6 replies

olderanwiser · 31/10/2025 22:35

I need clever reasonable resolutions. My sister caused alot of undue stress to our family this summer because she had psychosis episodes. She came to our home 3 times unnanounced in one week where I live with my mum and adult son and my 5 year old grandson. She was shouting, swearing, screaming on the third time because we locked the back gate to prevent her coming in. To prevent her getting in and causing more stress to mum who was ill at the time, my son took my sister outside to calm her down. (He only sees his son once a fortnight) It took 3 hours. She eventually called an ambulance, went to A&E and then was sectioned and sent to a psychiatric hospital where i visited regularly to support her. Now she is out and after treatment is using my mum as an excuse to come round and help care for her. I dint talk to her and my son doesnt want to talk to her either. Each time she has had a psychotic episode (3rd time in 5 years) I have dealt with it. Just to add my sister had these psychosis episodes because she chose to take cocaine on the 3 separate occasions which is what triggered the psychosis. I hoped that her treatment in the psychiatric hospital woukd be the end of it but it has has had an overwhelming affect on my mental health and both her and my mum just expect me to get over it again . Its kinda lije we're past it and you should too.
My mum is now working with her to manipulate me and my sons wishes not to have her over Xmas as we have my grandson then. She has told me she is having my sister over boxing day even though before she said she respected our wishes not to have her over when my grandson is here. She is turning this as usual about it being about her. She said why can't you see this is something I want. I want to see my daughter over Xmas! It's because she wasn't impacted from all the stress and fallout from my sisters psychotic episode. Me and my son dealt with it and kept it away from her. Iv said well it's boxing day and I'm not playing happy families and she said im not asking you too. I said well we'll have to stay up in our room an she said no you don't have to an I said well yes because we wont be coming down or talking to my sister and she saidwell you don't have to!??? She said you can just come down when you want an make a tea etc an then just go back upstairs!!!??
To add further insult to injury, my mum asked 5 mins later...are you going out tomorrow because I need you to get me some things.
I have been her carer for over a year now and my sister as usual, deciding to step up and help out now and playing the victim.
I realise I sound awful and spiteful but I'm not. I just feel emotionally sidelined?

Yahoo Mail: Search, organise, conquer

OP posts:
Vaxtable · 01/11/2025 00:46

Whose house is it? If it’s yours then you get the say in saying she can’t come. Your mum will have to go to her for the day

olderanwiser · 01/11/2025 07:45

Vaxtable · 01/11/2025 00:46

Whose house is it? If it’s yours then you get the say in saying she can’t come. Your mum will have to go to her for the day

It's my mums house

OP posts:
LondonGirrrrl · 01/11/2025 07:58

Time to move out! Get your own space and a job, care for your mum a couple of hours each day if needs must, let social care pick up the rest.

It’s ok for your mum to want her daughter there over Xmas, mums often have unwavering patience and unconditional love for their children. It’s your mums house however and if you don’t like her decisions then it’s time to move.

I suspect you have post traumatic stress and counselling might help

If you live in the house and your sister is admitted again it’s down to you to put boundaries in, don’t visit her in hospital. Also keep the gate locked and call the police/ambulance immediately to hand over, don’t let her on the grounds or debate.

Endofyear · 01/11/2025 08:33

I'm afraid if you and your son live in your mum's house, you don't get to say who she can and can't have visit. I understand how you feel about your sister but your mum loves her and wants to see her. You need to move out and find an alternative way to provide care for your mum - either yourself or by arranging carers to come in.

trainkeepsgoing · 01/11/2025 10:48

Go out for the day on Boxing Day

Zanatdy · 01/11/2025 13:33

Well it is your mums house so she can invite her own daughter over. I don’t blame you for not wanting to spend time with her, but you can’t dictate that when it’s not your house. Assume you live there? I’d just make alternative plans for the time she is there. Shops are open boxing day, so you can get out of the way.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread