Advice about my husband please

[Harrietthesky]

I’ll put everything into bullet point type sentences to help my brain.

my husband hasn’t worked in 7 years
he is technically my carer. However I run a business and support the entire family.
when I am unwell (brain injury, ptsd, autoimmune disease) he lacks empathy. Even gets annoyed.

he games almost constantly to the point my son doesn’t ask him for help or for a drink etc he asks me. When I’m exhausted.

he lets my son play on iPad constantly.
when I suggest things are not fair I get full body anxiety because I know how awful the atmosphere will be.

we do laugh, we are intimate and we do go on days out but the pressure and the stress and disrespect feels overwhelming and at the moment my anxiety feels like I might die .

Whose name is the house in OP? Does he actually perform any caring duties? Who runs the business when you have a medical episode? So many questions. On the face of it you'd be happier without him and I don't think you should be considering his loneliness.

Kindly

You have 2 choices

1 leave and get a new life
2 stay with this waster

Sadly there are no other options

He is giving your son a terrible example and not helping him to prepare for the real fiercely competitive world that is working as an adult

I'd like to know this too, if so that's outrageous.

He probably thinks all is fine as you're still having a laugh, having sex. Not that I think he is right by the way. I think you are doing amazingly in your situation

I also had a life altering brain injury at the age of 34, and my husband is my carer too. It does change a relationship and not for the better, and I also understand that particularly as a disabled woman it is not that easy to cut loose a partner who, from what it sounds like, isn't pulling his weight.

It's all the small things, who would reach that thing down from the top of the cupboard, who would put the bin out, who would call an ambulance if I fainted etc.

It's also money, and the house. I can't work, although I have a small disability pension and a rental house, but I couldn't afford to live here by myself with the children.

However you say you are the breadwinner - does your husband bring in any money or have significant equity in the house?

Additionally you come across as very capable and articulate, and the fact that he has 100% control over your finances seems at best inappropriate and at worst abusive.

Report him for benefit fraud for claiming carers allowance whilst doing the opposite of caring for you and abusing you. Maybe he’ll get a spot in prison and you won’t have to worry about a roof over his head.