Making friends

[Mepol23]

Where do people make friends nowadays? I joined Meetup in 2012 and went until 2022. I made some friends. Some of the really good friends moved abroad. Others just seemed like fair weather friends so as soon as they met a bloke or got married they dropped everyone. I noticed in 2016 numbers at the meet-ups started to drop and now people don’t really seem to go. It seems like after the pandemic most people go to work and stay at home.

I will go back but the numbers are no where near like they used to be. I have got friends I knew before I joined Meetup but they are busy and only meet up every couple of months. It would be nice to meet people on a more regular basis.

What activities do you use Meetup for? I went to a language meet a couple of weeks ago and it was good.

Do something other than MeetUp? Choose an activity you enjoy for itself and which would be enjoyable even if it never produced significant friendships, but which will also put you in regular contact with people you share an interest with. I regularly attend a ciné club which has mingling and wine before the film, sing in a choir, and am taking printmaking classes.

running clubs; book clubs; at work; in the pub; neighbours; gigs (facebook group gig life crisis is useful for solo’s)

And people just go and run or attend the book club and go home.

I've noticed since the pandemic everybody's very wrapped up in themselves, and nobody really wants to socialise that much any more.

You can’t control other people. Put yourself out there. It’s hard OP but go with your interests. I also went dating to meet people

In my experience, it’s more active post pandemic. People in the area want to go to gigs etc. i am 50 plus

Pub mainly
Sports clubs second

I grew up in America and maybe that’s made me more forthright. Say you join a book club (or set one up yourself) and meet a couple of people you seem to gel with. So ask them to meet up for coffee! Don’t be shy. Any hobbies? Knitting? There’s likely to be a stitch and bitch gathering at your local craft store. Local boot camp? Get fit at the same time! But you have to be bold and make the first step. Sometimes it will fall flat but it might not and there you have a new friend. Do you have a local WhatsApp group? We do for our street and one very proactive woman has an annual MacMillan coffee morning, has organised volunteers to put plants around the trees in the street (she asked the council if this was ok), galvanised people to hassle the council to fox proof the bins… everyone knows her now and I’m sure she’s made friends from doing all that.
I made friends when I moved at age 49 to a new area. It did help that my kids were in primary school so I started off volunteering there. Then I organised a weekly drop in coffee morning for each of my kids classes- early enough so those working could come for a quick coffee and get the goss before heading out. No kids? Do you have a dog? I tend to meet the same people walking theirs at the same time. Start chatting - everyone likes to talk about their dogs. Suggest you walk together.
It does require you to get out of your comfort zone. Taking a class is an opportunity. At the very least you will be getting out and about and learning new things, and if you connect with someone what a bonus! I tend to do wreath workshops every year. A good friend said surely I’ve done enough to know how to do it myself - she totally missed the point! Of course I knew how to make my own wreath. But a morning spent having fun and chatting with the potential of making a friend is better than doing it on my own in my kitchen (though actually last year I invited a couple friends round and we did just that). Be brave. Good luck!

Its hard. I find nobody commits now. Even a coffee. It got worse after covid. Going out with a friend in nov she said she finds people same. Its disheartening

It’s the cost of living in part. It’s just so expensive to go out now .

Try volunteering, met some great people that way.

I agree.
I am not single but know I can't always rely on OH for company.
I am in a running club, choir, got to gym and do classes. I am really struggling to find meaningful friendships.
The only place I feel I have a community is at my church (and that isn't for everyone and not all churches have the same vibe).

My sister joined her local Lions Club after her divorce. She does lots for charity which gets her out with other people and has made a load of new friends who all seem to want to socialise a lot.

Social media is awesome to make friends. I love social media.

Go salsa dancing, very friendly, normally several clubs per town or city

I don't have a church community anymore. I have been part of one since my youth. Now I just pay my respects / worship in the large cathedrals after work in london.

that is very common and I know a lot of people have said they feel 'lonely' at church despite being surrounded.
I was very lucky there.

Not all of them, the one I went to was very sociable and friendly

I agree with the (american - but also my personal way!) advice of being forthright.

Friendship grows through courage - I am a very social person and have a lot of friends - I also moved cities a few years ago and had to begin all over again - so I do know how hard it is.

BUt I think what people sometimes don't realise who struggle to make friends - is that it's work and effort!

I make myself invite someone I like for a walk or coffee - even if Im tired or nervous they will say no. Even someone confident like me sometimes finds this hard! But i do it! because I think - no loss if they say no, but a gain if they are up for it

Think of a 1000 tiny things you can do to meet new people - yes people head home after running/ book clubs some of the time - but the social time itself is also enjoyable.

I also volunteer - I volunteer with children but I've met adult friends in my neighbourhood doing it.

The steps towards friendship are - do a mutal activity/ think you like someone enough to talk to them more - be brave! ask them for walk /coffee.