No contact when you work in the same building - should I take time off work?

[Charliebean123]

I’m a nurse and he works within the hospital (which is small). I’m really struggling because I need to go completely no contact to rebuild myself emotionally. If I see him it will set me back. It’s only been 3 weeks since the relationship ended. I saw him today for the first time. He came into my office area and started talking to a woman in the next office. I saw him and stayed in the kitchen area for a little while longer. I’m anxious every day as I might see him. Do you think taking time off work is justified in this situation?

Sorry you’re in this situation but no, your employment is very important so you need to find ways to get through it and maintain no contact whilst occasionally seeing him in passing.

Well, this is really tricky. I got involved with someone at work once and when it didn’t work out it was pretty difficult (especially as we had to sit next to each other). After that, I learned to keep work and private life totally separate.

Unless you can take some annual leave, you’ll just need to deal with it.

Hope you’re ok xx

Don't shit where you eat @Charliebean123 .

I dated a guy at work once and ended up quitting because it was so awkward.

I have worked at the same place as my H but I went by my maiden name and only management knew we were married.TBH, that was a shit show as well. We both go made redundant on the same day. So did everyone else but it was very stressful having no incomes.

You could take A/L but I think you'd be better to stuck it up and maintain professional boundaries. If its too tricky you'll need to get a different job.

I’m not that emotionally strong. It has completely thrown me today. I know I won’t be able to move forward if I continue to see him. I have been looking for other jobs but even if I found a job tomorrow, it will take 3 months for recruitment. I can’t see me finding anything any time soon and I like my job, which makes it harder. I know I should not have got myself involved with someone at work.

Take a few days off, give yourself a mental break from it all. Use that time to job hunt and do positive things for yourself that will help move you forward. I think that could really help.

I don’t think it’s really justified to take time off unless it’s annual leave. Could you have some counselling to try to overcome this and get some coping mechanisms in place?

You might not feel that emotionally strong at the moment, but use this as an opportunity to get stronger, as each day passes it will get better.
Your job is so much more important that being no contact with someone.

Is this a long term abusive husband or someone you’ve been shagging for a few months?

If you're NHS and paid by the tax payer absolutely not. Why should I pay your sick pay because you've broken up with someone who works in the same building as you? Suck it up. It's life. People break up every day.

You can do it, it’s not easy but your employment, sick leave record, reputation with your boss and others at work and income are much, much more important than feeling bad about him.

The thoughts and feelings will lessen if you do the hard stuff from the start and maintain boundaries regarding no contact.

Telling yourself you’re ‘not emotionally strong’ and ‘can’t cope’ when at work etc is unlikely to help you.

More info needed .
Short term relationship less than a year - pull your big girl pants up and get on with it. Ask for different shifts to them if needed.

Long term and abusive ex partner -- you may want to speak to your GP for time off and HR for ward change.

Are you very young OP? You can’t be seriously considering this if you’re out of your early twenties, surely?! Why trash your sickness record for some dickhead? He obviously isn’t going to take a career hit! Find your strength and get hold of yourself.

If you were in my team I'd encourage you to use the employee assistance service to get some counselling and maybe a few days compassionate leave if it was a long relationship but any longer for a predictable situation I'd be questioning. I'm a senior manager in the NHS

@Charliebean123saying "I'm not emotionally strong" reinforces in you the thought that you aren't emotionally strong. Try different more positive affirmations, perhaps it might help. Try saying I'm alive, I'm good enough, I will survive this, I have a new future ahead of me.