Son has been invited to sleepover at girlfriend’s house

soozm127 · 2025-10-30T12:17:33+00:00

My 16 year old son has been invited to sleepover at his 16 year old girlfriend’s house. He is asking if that is OK. We have had the adult discussion surrounding safety and consent. I know only to well that if they are going to engage in activities they will engage in activities. He now feels I am being unreasonable as I want to get the opinion of his father before I give consent to the request. I feel that me saying yes is a big green light to give without discussing with my ex first. My biggest fear is her getting pregnant as there is a running theme in the family. I know that sounds really snobbish, but at 16 they both have their whole lives in front of them and as much as children are a blessing they will not make for an easy life at such a young age.

PixieandMe · 30/10/2025 12:29

I would be fine with it but, like you, I always checked with my dc's dad if he was OK with it, too (he always was).

Berlinlover · 30/10/2025 12:32

If there is a running theme in her family I’d be worried too. All you can hope is that he will be sensible.

Zanatdy · 30/10/2025 12:33

Babies aren’t just conceived at sleep overs. Conversations about safe sex need to happen as soon as dating. I personally think snatched moments are more likely to lead to accidents than planned sleepovers. If both over the age of consent i’d have no issue, but of course would advise use of condoms regardless of whether she is on the pill.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 30/10/2025 12:34

16 and yr 12 or 16 and yr 11? If sixth form then my only stipulations would be not on a school night. Would also make sure he has condoms and knows how to use them.

TheSandgroper · 30/10/2025 12:38

Dd has a long term relationship. His mother is a teacher. They were never left alone in the house while still at school. Never. And no way did she ever get to stay the night.

I was quite happy to have those rules in place.

Ponderingwindow · 30/10/2025 12:46

I would not allow this. I don’t want to encourage the level of emotional intimacy that comes from overnights at 16. They can easily have sex without actual sleepovers and the adults in their life pretending this is more than a teenage relationship.

preventing teen pregnancy isn’t just about birth control, it is about setting expectations. Teen girls from across the economic spectrum have accidental pregnancies every day. Everyone is human and birth control fails. It is rare for a girl whose family has helped to place her on the path to university and a promising career to choose to actually become a mother.

If you allow your son to sleepover, you are basically telling him that you are treating this relationship as quasi-permanent. You see it as just as real as an adult relationship. He shouldn’t feel constrained or overly linked to a girlfriend at 16. He is still growing and changing.

I would say no to sleepovers, but have a good talk with him about consent and birth control.

CharlieKirkRIP · 30/10/2025 15:15

I would have concerns about the other parents who think it’s ok for their 16 year daughter to have her adult boyfriend stay the night when presumably they live near each other so there is not actually any need for him to stay over.

If they have relaxed views about sex, what other relaxed views do they hold ?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 30/10/2025 15:17

Neurodiversitydoctor · 30/10/2025 12:34

16 and yr 12 or 16 and yr 11? If sixth form then my only stipulations would be not on a school night. Would also make sure he has condoms and knows how to use them.

I agree, and would check that her parents will be there

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 30/10/2025 15:17

CharlieKirkRIP · 30/10/2025 15:15

I would have concerns about the other parents who think it’s ok for their 16 year daughter to have her adult boyfriend stay the night when presumably they live near each other so there is not actually any need for him to stay over.

If they have relaxed views about sex, what other relaxed views do they hold ?

The boyfriend isn’t an adult he is also 16 year old child?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 30/10/2025 15:19

Ponderingwindow · 30/10/2025 12:46

I would not allow this. I don’t want to encourage the level of emotional intimacy that comes from overnights at 16. They can easily have sex without actual sleepovers and the adults in their life pretending this is more than a teenage relationship.

preventing teen pregnancy isn’t just about birth control, it is about setting expectations. Teen girls from across the economic spectrum have accidental pregnancies every day. Everyone is human and birth control fails. It is rare for a girl whose family has helped to place her on the path to university and a promising career to choose to actually become a mother.

If you allow your son to sleepover, you are basically telling him that you are treating this relationship as quasi-permanent. You see it as just as real as an adult relationship. He shouldn’t feel constrained or overly linked to a girlfriend at 16. He is still growing and changing.

I would say no to sleepovers, but have a good talk with him about consent and birth control.

I think he will just lie next time and say he is staying at a friends house if op does this.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 30/10/2025 15:21

I agree with the ‘or maybe not’ I had sleepovers with my boyfriend I met when I was 16 for about 2-3 months before I lost my virginity to him age 17 after being with him for 6 months. We just loved cuddles and closeness with each other and he didn’t pressure me to move too quickly. We stayed together until our mid 20s too!

Fraudornot · 30/10/2025 15:21

It’s unpopular on mumsnet but I too didnt allow sleepovers at this age for all the reasons stated by others.

markingbab · 30/10/2025 15:22

In my day if teenagers weren’t allowed to sleep over they’d just be shagging in a field/mates car/behind the village hall, at 16 I think you may as well just let them be in a comfy bed. They’re going to do it anyway.

ScaryM0nster · 30/10/2025 15:24

Angle for him, if he wants the grown up type sleepover freedom, he also needs to have the responsible adult discussion with his father.

Mba1974 · 30/10/2025 15:35

Have you spoken to girlfriend’s parents? I have a 16yr old girl in a relationship with a 16yr old boy, but he is school year younger.. she has stayed at his and he has been on holiday with us, together six months.. but they sleep in separate rooms and that’s based on age, length of relationship and conversations between both sets of parents. They are allowed alone time in their rooms, I’m very aware they will progress with or without our consent but for us all shared bed overnight is not appropriate yet. It will evolve but will require open discussion (I have always said if you’re old enough to have sex you have to be mature enough to have difficult conversations). It’s important to us that both sets of parents are in agreement and any change to current arrangements are agreed. I imagine we will reassess in 3 months if they are still together! I want them to be safe and comfortable, not in a field but also to understand the responsibilities that come with that step and that respect for their parents is important too..

Laiste · 30/10/2025 15:53

As a mum of 4 daughters and no sons i feel it's harder for mums of boys in a way.

My girls were all dosed up on the pill and/or had the implant as soon as BOYS arrived on the scene (different ages for each of them) and i knew we were safe (as poss) from actual pregnancy and the main concern was then consent and emotional support if and when it went tits up. Myself i lost my virginity at 14 so am under no illusions about what teens get up to.

With sons all you can do is provide condoms, tell them to actually wear them and maybe ? if you're lucky enough to know the parents have a convo with the girls people to see what's happening on their side wrt contraception. Although that is a rare scenario!

Having said all this - boy or girl i would not allow a sleep over together at 16.

Just because i know it might happen, have provided easy and honest conversation about it, and facilitated (insisted on) decent contraception - it doesn't mean i want it to happen or want it going on under my roof - especially with siblings around.

HollyGolightly4 · 30/10/2025 15:56

I think the point about age 16 in year 11 v year 12 is crucial here!

WhyOhWhyEightyTwo · 30/10/2025 16:02

I didn’t allow this with my son until he was 18. He is 23 now and still at home and my rule now is yes to relationships but no to one night stands.
I also told my son.. If you do not want a baby it is on you to use a condom, a girl saying she is on the pill ect isn’t a green light to not use his own contraception.

Original poster

soozm127 · 30/10/2025 18:38

They are both yr12 16. I have put my case that I am not comfortable with this request and I have no plans in offering a reciprocal arrangement. I have spoken to her mother who insists it will be a mattress on her floor. Which human nature tells me will be unslept in. I am accepting that he is becoming a young man and this is a natural step in a healthy loving relationship, I still think that at 16 his emotional maturity at coping with this level of intimacy is not quite there. I am still waiting on a response from dad. Hopefully he backs me up on this one

OP posts:

MummaMummaMumma · 30/10/2025 18:47

They are 16 and in a relationship. If they want to have sex, they will do so.
I'd much rather is was somewhere safe. I've seen friends at that age who did it in dangerous, dirty places and don't want that for my kids.
You won't stop them either way, but you can make it a safer experience for them.

blankcanvas3 · 30/10/2025 19:05

My DS is 17 and started having sleepovers with his GF at 16. When they were 16 for about 6 months they slept in separate beds, but once we knew GF was on the pill (we discussed with her parents) we let them sleep in the same bed. I decided I would rather they had sex in a bed than a park 🤷🏼‍♀️