AITAH to walk away from friends after months of exhaustion?
Loooong story short….
My partner and i were close friends with another couple (gf F and bf M).
They’d been together for years, but their relationship started to unravel over the summer. F begun to feel M was distant, sometimes cruel in how he spoke to her, and that he’d admitted having feelings for someone else.
One night, after a fight between them, F called us sobbing at 1am saying it was over and they had a huge argument. We rushed over to comfort her and stayed until 4am. trying to help. After that, she leaned on us constantly - venting about how bad things were, but always defending M whenever we gently offered advice. She kept saying she’d “never leave him.”
Then we learned worse things, which F told us, but she made us promise not to say anything. That left us in an incredibly awkward position, stuck keeping secrets between them and pretending nothing was wrong.
We eventually pulled back for our own sanity and didn’t speak to them for weeks. They never reached out either. Later, F told others she was “annoyed” we hadn’t contacted them even though she’d been the one to isolate herself.
When she finally did reach out, she and my partner had a long talk, but it was entirely about her and M. She said M was “trying” and “committed,” and how hard things had been for them, but didn’t once ask how we were. It felt like she just wanted to manage appearances.
Not long after, M and I spoke too, and things seemed calmer - until last night I got a barrage of messages all night from them both. Asking about things I said, if they were true etc.
F suddenly accused me of saying something about M that I genuinely don’t think i did. I said it’s unfair for me to feel guilty for something I truly don’t believe I said.
So I said this to her.
Her response was basically ok then, followed by a long message about how hard life has been, how they’ve been living in hell and ending with the fact she has nothing to say to anyone.
At that point, I decided I was done.
But now I’ve just got yet another extremely long message from her.
She said she’s “grateful” we supported her, and blamed guilt, confusion, and stress for everything that’s happened. She claimed no one knows who said what anymore, admitted she told others not to tell me certain things “to avoid making it worse,” and said she of course stayed with M because she loves him.
She apologised vaguely, said she didn’t remember saying hurtful things but is sorry “if” she did. She also admitted quitting a mutual hobby “because of us,” saying her mental health couldn’t handle it, and insisted she isn’t following M around, just prioritising and supporting him.
It was a mix of partial accountability and emotional deflection… basically, “I’m sorry but I’ve suffered too.” It didn’t feel like a real apology or like she actually cared how we’ve felt through all of this.
So yeah….
TL;DR: My partner and I were really close with another couple but their messy relationship drama dragged us in way too deep. F constantly vented to us, made us keep secrets from M, and then got upset when we pulled back. Months later, after lots of distance, they are constantly reaching out but everything is about them.