Moving in together - fairest way to split costs

[Stressymadre]

So my partner of nearly 6 years and I have had an offer accepted on a house and we're discussing the best way to split costs. He is suggesting just 50/50 but I dont think that is fair (on him). For context, I have 2 DC who see their dad EOW (eldest may stop soon as he is very unhappy there), I receive some CM but I anticipate exH stopping this when we move as it has been a long standing issue as he is self employed and has added his GF to the business to divert income, so I won't factor this in to my income.
My partner is self employed and has the potential to make a lot of money but at the moment, on average his take home pay is around £700 pcm less than me.
We want mortgage split 50/50 for ease in case something happens in the future and we need to sell and split the house. So... how should we split everything else? I am thinking 2/3 me, 1/3 him. Does that seem fair, with me obviously covering all my kids costs. He doesn't want me to "carry him" as I have worked really hard to get my income up since my divorce but I equally dont want me sitting with spare money each month and him scrimping snd saving. Thoughts?!

Both of you should go to a solicitor and get a cohabitation agreement drawn up. This could save you both a lot of pain in the event you were to separate. At the very least do seek legal advice in this matter anyway.

Yes, we have already factored that in, thanks

Me and my ex had a simpler set up as no prior kids/outgoings but had it that we each kept a set amount of our income a month and the rest went into the pot. That meant as one earned more than the other we still had the same for ourselves.
This worked as throughout our 16 years there was time when he was the higher earner and times when I was.

I would do it percentage of income. So he would pay a bit less than you for now until he was earning the same.

Depends on ages of children but I’d say. Half the housing costs. Half the bills. 2/3 of food. And you pay for all the children’s stuff.

I think 50/50 on the mortgage and 2/3 you and 1/3 him for all other bills sounds very fair. I'd crunch some numbers to see how that pans out in hard figures but I think on the surface it does sound right. You're contributing more both because you earn more and you have the DC. I'd divert CM into a separate account to use specifically for kids trips, uniform etc (I know it won't cover all that!) so that it is out of the equation.

Bills that don’t change for children (Netflix, wifi, etc) should be 50/50. Bills that do (food, water, etc) should be 2/3.

I don’t think there is any right or wrong way. It’s about what you both feel comfortable with. With the house, definitely get a deed of trust or legal agreement drawn up. I guess it also depends on who is putting in the most capital.

i did this years ago with my (now husband). My house and equity, but he was paying towards to mortgage when he first moved in. Did it to protect him (his ex walked away with house).
he had young children, and was paying maintenance etc, and had a lower income than me. We basically set up a joint account for all bills (including mortgage). I paid a higher % into the account as both higher earner and no other costs etc.

over the years (25 now) we have flexed this around and income and outgoings (his children are adults now). We’ve switched between who works full and part time etc with our own kids.

about once I year I review our outgoings and reassess what we need to pay in between us.

Thanks everyone. This is really helpful. I've done some number crunching and I think 60/40 seems to work out fair in terms of disposable income (not including CM) for now. I just want to get it all clear before we move in and yes, solicitor is already aware we need a deed of trust sorting (my partner is contributing 3x my deposit and i want to hsi clearly detailed) and we will be writing a will to ensure my share goes to my children. (His share will also go to my children)