Business trip

[slipaway]

When your partner goes away for a business trip but is unavailable for talking/phoning at times when they know you are, they have no actual schedule, regularly occurring. Alarm bells or paranoia?

Eh?

Paranoia

Alarm bells

How long are they away for OP.

When I go on business trips I'm generally in a different time zone, meetings go over schedule at the office (because, you know, we don't have to go home...), then if I'm lucky I get 45 minutes before the meet up time for dinner. In that time I'm trying to grab a 30 minute power nap, 3 minute shower, refresh make up and change before plastering on a smile for the next 4 hours before I can make my excuses and leave. Back to hotel, quick teeth brush and wash, fall into bed and send DP a quick night night, love you, can't wait to get home text. Then it's up at 6am, rinse and repeat. I'll try and text a few times during the day during a loo break, but a 10 minute call would be the most I could manage in the evening.

Two nights usually sometimes three.

the business trips I’m talking about here are in the UK which is also where I am so not a lot of travel, as previously said there is no set dinner each time or any other agenda after work.

You clearly don’t trust them so..

Hi @Burningbud1981
you do not know our relationship
perhaps I have reasons to not trust as you say?
perhaps they have addiction issues or gambling issues?
perhaps they have a history of infidelity?
perhaps they can’t lie straight in bed?
perhaps I’m asking a question because I’m a reasonable person who doesn’t want to get duped for no reason other than because I am reasonable, and I’m checking in with the parameters?
Feel free not to comment, I only asked for answers to my question, not judgement.

How often are the trips? I don’t think you need to speak everyday? Surely texts would do? Business trips can be busy.

Well I would expect my partner or H to be in phone contact at some point while they were away.

Talking and communicating s the normal part of a healthy relationship.

And if they were always unavailable to talk during their down time then yes I would be hurt and I would be worried.

Aw OP no one here knows your partner as you have so forcefully pointed out. Therefore how would anyone know if they are playing away, gambling, drinking, embarking on a murder spree?

I travel a lot with work. Evenings are usually spent having food and drinks with boring colleagues then crashing in my room.

but I have no idea what your other half is up to. No one does

I think it’s helpful not to know the background to give an honest answer, if the answer is paranoia then that is the answer. I would like to know what you think without any mud slinging!

I find it disrespectful when my husband works away and doesn’t contact me. I feel your pain. I’m a long way down the road of this behaviour and only just figuring out after 23 years that he absolutely despises me. So yeah…if he wanted to he would is my final answer.

But you still have at least 10 minutes where you could check in? Even if you excused yourself for that time? Are you not even allowed that? Imagine the spouse and children at home waiting for you to check in but work colleagues and socialising is the first priority?

It depends a little on whether this is new behaviour or not. If your DP has been a regular caller and messager in the past whilst away then clearly it’s a concern if he’s suddenly out of contact for most of his time away. If it’s always been the pattern then I would say it’s less of a worry.

Every couple has their own way with these things. When DH is away on business in the UK he will tend to phone me once a day, usually between the end of the working day and the evening meal. He might also send me a quick WhatsApp to arrange the next day’s call or to say good night. When he’s abroad, particularly if he’s several hours different time-wise, it’s often just messages as we can’t always coordinate a suitable time to call.

DH is in the US for ten days at the moment. I don’t think we’ve spoken more than a couple of words since Friday. We’re both busy. I trust him completely.

My DH is rubbish on the phone.

Our conversations are stilted and frustrating. He’s great in person.
I think he’s autistic and finds a phone conversation hard and pointless in a way, when he’s not face to face.
So I’d be secretly pleased if we just had a quick watssap check-in message of ‘All ok? Good!’

I am not getting into a silly argument about whether some man has time to check in - of course he could - assuming there is open reception- he could send a text he could ring and say hello. OP know that.

I have said all that. I was going my very specific context of what events look like for me on a business trip. OP’s other half could be a serial killer for all I know! He could have a second family. He could be an international super spy. He could be crying alone on his hotel room.

He is probably just emotionally checked out from his relationship and contacting OP isn’t a priority. But I assume OP already knows that

Thanks for your messages, those of you trying to help and also those of you trying to bring some real life wisdom into my life. I will stop this for now.
There have been some comments about silly arguments “about whether some man has time to check in”.
I have not mentioned gender at all in my posts today. Of myself or of my partner.
I also have a very busy job and business travel is a factor, no need for patronising there.
Ive been a member here for not a great amount of time. It’s fair to say there’s a lot going on here that does not always seem that positive.
I will take the comments on board - as best I can with consideration - from me being paranoid, to eh. to my partner being emotionally checked out which I’m aware of apparently!
Not so many thanks for the judgement of some but seems to be the way.
Nonetheless thank you for responding.

My DH used to travel up to 120 night out of the year. If just one or two nights then it might be a quick text sometimes a phone call. But he would be at breakfast meetings all the way through to some social thing at night. If longer he would usually call when he knew the kids would be in bed.
Have to say fur one if two nights I wouldn’t be concerned at all if all I got was a ‘hi thinking of you all’. I’ve accompanied him on some trips they are insanely busy.
However if it was same time zone with evenings free I’d be amazed if he didn’t call - those trips can be lonely and he’d rather be home with me!

I never have a schedule for business trips. It’s about attending scheduled meetings and networking/eating constantly around them (as well as keeping my normal tasks ‘ticking over’). I manage to send a few texts and am always available for an emergency/if DS is desperate to have ‘a little FaceTime with mummy’ but other than that find it a bit disconcerting to be calling home.

I’d say paranoia without the additional context you’ve given, but if you have experienced all that you’ve listed above - it’s alarm bells.

paranoia. Probably just doesn't want to he a slave to inane phone calls.

When you’re on a business trip socialising is not as fun as it sounds. It’s a requirement as opposed to something you might enjoy - you have to do it, be positive and upbeat, and switched on all the time. It’s utterly exhausting. My OH wouldn’t be waiting for me to check in every night.

Paranoia. My DH goes away on business trips regularly. He works through the day and then goes out for meals with colleagues in the evenings. His schedule is different to mine at home. I trust him and understand that he cant just answer a call or message in the middle of the workplace or during meal, nor do I sit around waiting for him to call me. Enjoy some free time and relax instead of getting yourself wound up. Maybe try to work out why you’re not trusting DP.