Has anyone actively chosen to stay single/not date, how have you felt as a result?

[Tvtsoo]

This is a step I’ve decided to take. I’m only 30 but am sick of being on dating apps, talking to people, dating and all the crap that comes up it.

has the decision to stop dating had a great positive impact on your life?

Never been on OLD and it's absolutely freeing to just not think about it. I mean I'm open to meeting someone I'm just not actively looking, at all!

I just do my thing, I love my peace at home by myself, I've concentrated on building better friendships with women too instead of centering myself around a man.

I'll never 'date' again, I'll meet someone or I won't. Be free!

FREEEEEEEEDOM

I love being single, but I do think it’s an easy decision for me since I have my wonderful daughters already and have thr finances and job to go it alone. It’s a harder decision if you’re younger!

I have to agree- I spent my 30s tying myself in knots trying to “meet a man”. I actually met lots, and found it exhausting, demoralising and at times degrading. If I met someone organically that would be lovely, but I’m at the point where he really would have to have a lot of positives to add to the lovely wee life I buolt
for myself.

For me it's definetly been positive, so much that now at 33 I cannot imagine what on earth I could need a man in my life for 😅

I'd be better off financially if I was in a relationship but that's it

I've loved myself a lot more since being single ( 4 years now ) and my standards/boundaries have gotten so much better. I used to be a huge people pleaser, I'm not anymore.

I've got 2 children and I wouldn't want a man to come and disrupt our dynamic either, I genuinely love it just being us 3

Inner peace.

No more arguments, no more criticism of my food or how I spend my money. No more constant pressure to choose between my boyfriend & my ds.

Definitely better off financially.

Yes and I love it. It’s definitely not for everyone but I can’t imagine living with a man ever again. I don’t even want to date. I like my own space too much.

I’m a lot older than you and none of my divorced/widowed 50 something friends has the slightest bit of interest in dating again.

I can’t imagine anyone disturbing my peace - I love it

Like a fish without a bicycle.

brilliant.

It's nice to come home to peace and quiet, and knowing how messy/tidy your house will be, and where everything is because other people hide things!

I like being able to starfish in bed, to eat whatever I want whenever I like, and I never have to compromise! (Call me selfish, but I spent most of my life having to compromise by putting everyone else's needs first, and my own didn't seem to matter. Thus, I really like not having to compromise).

The biggest thing about being single (from what I've observed with friends and family in relationships) is the independence. I do most things by myself... and if not, I arrange for it to be done by someone with experience. I've made plenty of mistakes, but I've learnt a lot of things along the way (e.g. DIY skills and a bit of emergency plumbing). I am happy to go out and do things by myself (e.g. eating out, going to the pictures, and I hope to go away by myself next summer... to my own choice of place, not some sunny hell (I have sensitive skin that burns!)). I also don't get comments about how I am getting ideas above my station, or how I spend too much time with the opposite sex, and I obviously fancy them all. I work in an otherwise entirely male department!

I might be better off financially in a relationship, and it might be an easier to having children, but I value the independence, and donor conception would be something that I might consider in the future.

MEEEEeeeeee....a fully signed up member of the single forever until my last breath club here. To be fair, I was older than you when I came to the realisation that most men are useless, and bring nothing to my table that I cannot provide for myself. I am liberated now, and just pretend to be still married to my ex-husband (we are friends so he goes along with it hoping I might change my mind and marry him again...no chance). The older you get (I am 55), the population of eligible single men who are worthy of sharing oxygen or body fluids with is so minuscule that it is wiser to give up and use whatever energy is left on fun stuff. I use social media for my business quite a bit, and facebook often randomly sends me those groups for making friends, or finding a man. I ask nicely that social media hide these suggestions but it doesn't listen or behave as you might expect...a bit like the single men I am keen to avoid. Anyway, there was a man on there (the sample post sent to me) in his 50's doing the 'Hey ladies' routine. He was missing teeth, in scuffy clothing and sat in a Wetherspoons clutching a beer, with several empty beer glasses in the background. Awful skin like a leather chamois, cigarette stains on hands, jaundiced and looking ten years older than he claimed to be. I lost count but there was over 300 women replying to him falling over themselves to make his acquaintance. I have concluded this is why these losers have such big egos. There is no a chance in hell that Romeo would have had all these women rushing at him in a pub on a Friday night. Social media and dating apps seems to whip people up into a competitive frenzy bidding for people who are (most probably) not worth having in the first place. Celebrate your liberation from this nonsense and contemplate what hobbies or skills you can develop to lead a fulfilling life without having to suffer from mansplaining, sex pests and cocklodgers.

I was briefly married and quickly divorced in my 20s and have stayed single ever since. I quickly discoved that I was not made to live with another person 24/7. I am also child free since I never wanted to be responsible for another human being. I dont want to be one of a pair. I am fortunate enough to be complete in myself. Being single and childfree is liberating. I have a much lower carbon footprint than if I was part of a family. I have always earned good money and paid in more than I took out. I am still self employed and paying out for subs and handouts for family people. Thats the only thing I regret about being single. Paying for things I do not want and cannot use.

Not me, but I have three close friends in their fifties and sixties who are longtime single (as in, several decades) by choice, and they’re some of the most visibly fulfilled, contented and independent-minded people I know. One says she didn’t like who she was in relationships, one says that a brief marriage cured her of ever wanting another relationship, and one says she’s pretty much asexual and the effort needed to find someone decent seemed disproportionate to the end result. Obviously, I don’t know what they’d have been like if they were in relationships, but they’re seriously impressive people, and their lives always strike me as examples of what a good life, tailored to suit someone’s own priorities, looks like.

Im considering this as a woman in early 30s. I’ve been heartbroken in two major relationships. Both left my self esteem in tatters and questioning my worth.

now I see I’m worth a lot and both these men acted like great guys for a period of time but were ultimately Peter Pans/controlling/etc.

I have excellent family relationships and long term friends of 20+ years so I’m not short of meaningful connections.

Yes me. Gave up at 37. Total waste of fucking time, I've never ever been involved with anyone where it hasn't ended in either my tears or theirs but either way it was always just far more hassle than it was worth. It never made my life easier so I just don't see the point.

I think it really depends on loads of different things.
What you’re like as a person: do you enjoy your own company and find comfort in quiet, or do you hate the silence and really feel the loneliness?
Your social life: do you have friends to hang out with or hobbies that keep you busy, or are most of your friendships more of an occasional catch-up?
Money: can you afford to do things, take trips, or have hobbies that fill your time?
And probably plenty of other factors too.

I’ve got a friend who’s completely given up on dating and she absolutely loves it. She travels with friends, goes to the theatre, and really enjoys her independence, though to be fair, she can afford to do all that.

For me, it’s a bit different. I love having people around, the chatter, watching TV with someone and talking about it, laughing together. I don’t really have the spare cash for lots of trips or activities, so being single can feel a bit isolating sometimes. I have my kids half the time, and most of my money goes on making memories with them. A lot of my friends are busy with partners and families, so they’re not always free when I am.

I think at the end of the day, you’ve just got to do what feels right for you at the time.

That said, I do love not having to clean up after anyone or organise someone else’s life! I’m not sure I’d ever want to get married again. If I met someone, I’d probably prefer we had our own homes. I’ve found a sense of independence and strength I didn’t know I had. Still, I’m definitely the type who’d like a man in her life.

Last relationship ended in 2014 when I was 41 and haven't dated (nor had sex) since then. Now 52.

Mine was a bit of a mixture of reasons.

I had my own stuff that needed sorted out with therapy from childhood. Didn't really twig what was wrong till my late thirties so....

Just being hurt or 'betrayed' or broken trust takes a toll on you. I thought I was taking a years break to recover and here we are 11 years later.

I got my first dog when I was 40 ish and was way less lonely as a single person with a dog than a single person without. They do keep you quite busy and out and about and the need for human company just shrunk.

Got busy with house renovation, renting out couple of flats and working part-time in finance too. After that I cared for elderly parents for 6 years and now they have gone I'm too bloody knackered to date.

All jokes aside I'm having a year or two to myself to get my health in tip top shape. Also the dog is getting old so giving him nice walks and spoiling him a bit. I also want to move house at some point so have to get a few things fixed/sort the place out. I am dabbling with the idea of giving dating one more shot once I get my health fully sorted and get over my exhaustion from all the stress.

However if my choice is dream home or dream man then I'm picking the dream house (plus another dog when this one goes).

If I get can have both will okay I'll give it a shot. Haven't gone through menopause yet so kind of hoping that will happen soon and put me off going back to dating at all. Don't know if that is because I am scared at the prospect of trying again or whether I just cannot be bothered with it.

I will be looking to be a bit more sociable in the future as looking after elderly parents is quite isolating but that might just mean joining a book club for some female company or perhaps a theatre meet up group or something.

I think it would be harder to give it up in your thirties than your fifties but I suppose I was 41 so not long out of my thirties.

I think whatever path you take you do think 'what if.......'.

I was married for 12 years from my twenties to mid thirties (no kids) so whilst there was for sure good things from being partnered up there was also frustrating things.

I think your generation is doing pretty well on this op..
women in the 60s/70s literally had no choice financially, they weren’t even allowed a mortgage!
Then my generation, there was such a social expectation. To be married was seen as success. If you didn’t want to go to a socialise you were thought of as weird. It wasn’t really an option socially.
and then came you guys, now in your 20s/30s. You’re allowed to go it alone with freedom and I couldn’t be happier for you all!

I have been single 6yrs since I kicked my ex husband out. Im now 42yrs old and recently went on my first date. Which i found humiliating! He never complimented me and clearly wasn't into me, but was insulting and rude throughout. I met him on a dating app having decided to give it a go again. I'm going to be honest, I'm financially independent, I have a home, my DD, my friends, a career, I go to the gym regularly. The only reason I have decided to give dating a go is because I miss sex. I would like something casual that fits in with my life and I have no intention of bringing anyone into my child's life or introducing them to friends. But a full on relationship, no thankyou, when I was younger men treated me like I was disposable and not good enough. So now I want to date from a selfish perspective xx

Yes. The peace is unmatched. Literally and figuratively.

Yep. I don't love it as much but I'll never let a man ruin anything for me ever again.

Been single for 4 year's now by choice.....had a message this morning which read "nice tits" 🤔🤔 yep this is why i don't even bother trying anymore 😂😂

I lost count but there was over 300 women replying to him falling over themselves to make his acquaintance

I had the same experience the other day. It came up in my FB newsfeed. A guy I wouldn't look twice at, grubby looking, not at all appealing, had made no effort for the photo. So many responses telling him he was good looking etc. He really wasn't! And I'm no oil painting myself but I would be aiming much higher than him if I was dating! I clicked on a few of the women and they were all reasonably attractive, seemed nice etc. So are the pickings that slim now?! If so, that's bloody depressing. If women who are more attractive than me are clamouring for men like him, what would I get? Nothing I would want for sure!