My wife had an affair with a work colleague that ultimately cost us our relationship at the time. We have 2 children, they where 12 and 9 at the time. The affair came to my knowledge after the separation, during a costly and depressing legal battle for joint residency. The end of this battle was during covid lock downs, and I wrote my wife a letter explaining I knew of the affair and I was happy for her, if its what she wanted. Covid was lonely, and I realised id never stopped loving her, her faults her traits where far outweighed by the good things! I ended the letter telling her i loved her still, and would welcome her back with open arms! The legal stuff was horrendous, I was rightly accused of saying some horrible things, im no where near perfect, and my team said I should " throw mud back" which i refused to do, I loved this women and didn't want to dirty her name, didn't want my kids having their mum being a topic of conversation for strangers. The court awarded me joint residency in the June of covid, and my wife contacted me a few days later ( we had never spoken directly in the whole of the legal time) , and I knew she was upset. I visited her, and she had fallen out with family and friends and I suppose I was the safe bet for comfort having read my letter. We spent time together and she denied the affair when I brought it up. We got closer still and then I needed the honesty before I could get any closer. I asked again and she said there was a relationship but it started after we split up. This person was around my children and my children where not aware of a relationship, just mums friend (easy to pass off when its the same sex I suppose). The person went on camping trips with wife's parents and siblings and my children, was at daughters communion, stayed in the marital bed. I learned to deal with it all. It still hurts me, not because of what she done, it hurts me because she cannot be truthful about it. The person was used in the legal documents, made false allegations about me and obviously deceitfully having a relationship with my children without their knowledge of exactly why she was there, in what capacity , not as a friend but as a direct consequence of their parents separating. To this day my wife maintains that nobody except me and her know of the relationship, but I dont believe it no more, ive been around her family who never mention her name, like you wouldn't an ex, but you can talk.about friends. Same with her work.colleagues, I feel as if they all know , and that I dont know what was going on! Its happened and its gone i know that, but the honesty from my wife kills me, the evidence of the affair is there, she point blank refuses to admit it it, and therefore im starting to question similar traits from when it happened last time. I brought my concern up and was shut down instantly. Didnt want to hear that I was concerned and and just wanted reassurance. I've told nobody in my circle what happened, as with the strangers in legal stuff, I dont want her to be talked about as a means for gossip, but im breaking myself now. I've contemplated telling the kids, they ask and see why im quite withdrawn and get upset, I sometimes think if she is confronted with the children asking the question she might admit it, once its out in the open we can move on, I dont care what happened, its just the honesty of the whole thing. Deep down I know if I tell the kids she will just walk away and it will be turned into my fault for spilling the beans, rather than hers for her actions.