Abusive husband has left why am I so sad

[wheretogonow25]

Im 30 and have 3 young children (a 4yo and 8 month old twins). We have been married a year. Things havent been great for a while, our relationship has suffered and husband has become very nasty, verbally abusive, calling me all sorts of unforgivable things that have completely destroyed my self esteem and I am so depressed and unhappy.
He was getting therapy, he struggled with cannabis addiction for years and was seeking help and has been clean for months now. I could go into a lot more background but I dont have the mental strength right now and im also worried about anyone recognising this.
I have no proper family to speak of. My wonderful mum died a few years ago, my dad is elderly and not in the best health and we dont have a very good relationship. I have no friends, no support whatsoever. He walked out this morning and has said he wont be seeing his children (despite being a good hands on dad that does a lot with/for them) and I can deal with them on my own.
When we found out I was having the twins as awful as it sounds I didnt really want them. The pregnancy wasn't planned and I was so overwhelmed, ive had a lot of other personal things to deal with and my health isnt great but I stupidly let him convince me and for rhe most part he stuck to his word and was brilliant and supportive etc. But things have got so bad. He says im miserable all the time and all I ever do is complain but I am so so tired. I never get any proper rest or a break and with my health conditions unfortunately tiredness is part and parcel. Im really struggling.
The house is a mess, I cant even remember the last time I had a shower. I havent been able to contact him since he left this morning, hes blocked me on WhatsApp and Facebook and he isnt answering the phone or reading any texts.
Why do I feel so bereft? I know in reality in an ideal world it would be better but I just can't function with rhe children on my own only to do the bare minimum and im so tired. I had no intentions of being a single parent to 3 young children and naively didnt think I'd find myself in this position. I know what he does and how he behaves is abuse and I know the way I feel is very real. I have nowhere to turn, no one to talk to and absolutely no practical support whatsoever. The thought of doing this for the next 18 years is making me want to go to sleep and never wake up.
I know that grief is part of the process of a relationship ending and ive probably got some sort of trauma bond but how can I work to get myself and the house etc sorted when all my energy goes into the children and I have nothing left at the end of the day.
I know I probably sound like a selfish horrible person but I wish I could go back and never do any of this. I wish I had known then what I know now and I would have made different decisions.
He has money and I dont and I havent got a penny to my name. He has even gone as far as to take everyrhing out of the fridge and freezer and cupboards etc that he bought. I have no idea how im going to even feed my children once what I have runs out in a few days. I feel so scared and I feel like an absolute failure of a mother and its not fair that he has done this and gets to walk away without a backwards glance. He obviously never even liked me let alone loved me but what do I do now?

Im not sure what im hoping for by posting this but I just needed to get it out and tell someone. I want my mum. Things would be so different if she was here.

You need to access some advice about what you will get in a divorce from a solicitor, he doesn't get to just leave and not see or pay for the children. Twins and a toddler, even the strongest relationship would be tested but there's no excuse for him to act like this, you're still post partum you poor thing let alone dealing with verbal abuse.

I don't know what else to advise except to say get proper legal advice of financially what you'll be owed and send you a virtual hug as you're dealing with a lot, it might seem like you're not but just getting through the day is a win at times.

I have no advice, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry. You're not a bad mother or a failure, just a woman in a tough situation. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Taking food from the fridge and cupboards is LOW. What dreadful behaviour I’m very sorry.

OP, I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
Could you be suffering from post-partum depression?

First things first. You and your children need to survive before we can get to how you're going to thrive.
Do you know anywhere in your area where people turn to when they desperately need help?
Any starting point is good. Usually if people can't help, they can at least refer you elsewhere.
Do you have social services? A national help hotline? Can you talk to your doctor and ask him for advice? If nothing else, walk into a police station and ask them to refer you.
You need food and money for groceries and you need someone to walk you through what comes next.
Do you have any place where you can get free legal advice?

In the mean time, and I can't stress this enough, please please please be so very kind to yourself.
Your goal right now is to stay alive and afloat. You can do that in a messy house with unwashed dishes and piles of laundry. I so wish for you to understand that those things aren't a priority right now. If your children are fed and loved, and you can get a few hours of sleep here and there, you'll be fine. This isn't how it will always be. Things will get better once you make it through the chaos. There will be a time when your household is in order and there's food in the cupboards and meals are planned and diapers are neatly arranged. It's okay for that time to not be now.

https://benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/

Use the above calculator to see what benefits you are entitled to and apply today.

First thing, do an online search for a food bank. There will be some that require evidence of income BUT some don't do checks.

Do this first.

You’ve had some lovely advice already OP. Do ask your HV for a food bank voucher, or your GP. Many good banks will have supplies of nappies and baby stuff, which will help.

Make an appointment with CAB
( citizens advice ) and ask about benefits, or look at the above calculator to see what you can claim ( this is priority)

Make an appointment with a solicitor. Many offer 30 mins advice free. Make sure you write everything down that you want to say, so you don’t waste the session.

Google Home start. They are a charity which can support parents at home. You are assigned a volunteer and they can help with children and accompany parents to appointments etc.

Above all, don’t beat yourself up. The laundry, dishes etc can wait. As others have said, the husband doesn’t get to walk away from his responsibilities. They are his children too, he must contribute financially.

You are not a failure 🌷💐