I (F 45) have broken up with my boyfriend (M 43) and I am unsure if I owe an apology for my behaviour. We were together for two years and to make a long story as short as possible, I ended the relationship because of behaviour on the part of his 18YO daughter and the fact that he would go to her each time.
We met online and before we met, he told me there were no issues with her or her mom and it was amicable. I found myself leaving my family Christmas dinner on our fourth date to travel 3 hours to get to her since she was in the hospital for a suicide attempt. When we got there, it was found to be for some attention and she wanted to go home and play video games. I guess her boyfriend had broken up with her. I found out there that my bf and her mother do not get along and they were arguing etc. I was outside in the car. The next day I drove all the way home alone with my sick dog and I had missed work. I panicked because I felt so unhappy and I broke up with him. I told him that things were different in his life than I was told. He told me that this wasn't a regular occurring event and he blocked me on everything etc. I panicked and apologized. I really liked him and wanted him to take me back. He said he would seek counselling for the teen (of course he never did).
Things like this continued to repeat. My birthday came and I made our plans for the week after my birthday so that he could see his daughter that day. When the birthday dinner came up, he didn't attend because he had to rush to her side once again. She was caught skipping school all week and was home alone. Her mom was yelling at her and he said I didn't understand and that he needed to go rescue from her yelling and bring her to his house. I was so mad, I once again broke up with him. I was so upset on my way to my birthday dinner alone. I was not nice at all in my text messages, I told him it was ridiculous and he told me I don't understand because I don't have kids. He said he was sorry but he was worried about her since he thought she wasn't eating properly. He also explained that her mom could have anger issues. I listened, and we reconciled again, but the same patterns kept repeating. I would keep my mouth shut as much as I could, but it didn't seem right to me. I would keep feeling hurt, break up and then reconcile. I hate myself for the breakups. I really hurt him.
Eventually it turns out that his daughter is doing opioid drugs. Both of these times at school she was doing drugs and the odd behaviour was because she was high. There has been a lot of manipulation and a few times she had even told me secrets not to tell him, like she was stealing from him and smokes cigarettes etc. I hinted it to him because I did not want to be in the middle and he told me he didn't want to hear her secrets. I am trying to keep the story shorter, but basically I kept getting shoved to the sidelines and then I break up with him because I am fed up. My behaviour makes our relationship bad because he loves his daughter and probably doesn't understand how it is upsetting for me and thinks I should just ignore it or support him. She does like me a lot.
I feel he is enabling and I have spoken up. He doesn't listen to me and these scenarios repeat. I have ended it once again because she is dating a 30 year old and he had a dinner with her friends parents to try to talk her out of it. The same day I asked him to be with me because my mom is dying and we were at the hospital. He said he would come over the next few days and I was so fed up I said no don't bother. I feel like a jerk now :( I don't know why I keep jumping to the break up. Should I apologize for my behaviour? It is over this time, he's not going to forgive me, but I still feel like my behaviour was poor and maybe I owe an apology? I understand that these things are separate from me and him, so I feel like he doesn't understand why I do this and neither do I :( I do believe that he thinks he is doing the right thing each time, so I am not sure if my feelings are valid. I am on the outside looking in and he is a caring father that doesn't see it the same way. When I break up with him I am not as honest as to say that he has a child problem and I worry about my future with all of it, but that is how I feel. To him, he just sees that I am running away and dumping him like a complete jerk. Help :( I do love him and I even love her. He has told me that he is unsure of his feelings for me because I continue to do this.