My baby is 8 months old and since I gave birth, I’ve been the main carer for my baby. Both my partner and I work full time, our plan is for me to take the year off and him to take the last 6 months off.
Before I was pregnant/during pregnancy, I used to do all the house work and his only job was to walk our dog which he didn’t like. There were some arguments but brushed under the carpet.
After our baby was born, he still didn’t step up to do much house work or help with our baby. When I complained or said anything negative about it he would threaten to rehome our dog or say to divorce. I would eventually just give in and continue to cook, do house work and care for our baby just so we didn’t have to argue. But the resentment builds as he would say nasty comments like “you sit on your ass all day” or “you are ungrateful” or “you are one of those parents that want a baby but doesn’t want to take care of one or “it’s not a competition”. All of which are very hurtful.
Now that he is on leave, he still doesn’t help much but the occasional play with our baby or cuddle when I ask him to and most of the time he would ask why or say I don’t want to (because he was watching tv or scrolling his phone).
When he does come around to care for our baby, I use the time to clean up or do house work. It annoys me that he acts and tells everyone that he does things like he did it all the time. I do try ignore it and most unnecessary house work but as our baby grows, there’re more pressing ones like cooking meals for her and cleaning her clothes.
He does do a lot of the maintenance side of the house, such as painting the gate, gardening, etc. But he expects me to do most if not all the caring for our baby.
I don’t mind caring for our baby most of the time but I crave a break now and then, like not rushing a shower or take my dog for a walk without thinking that my baby would be crying. Most of the time now I just feel like I’m drowning while he spends a lot of time watching tv and scrolling his phone and me on the other side can’t even get a toilet break at times.
Recently my husband is mad all the time and becoming unbearable. I cannot say anything remotely negative that directs to him or he would just get really annoyed and angry. I do try to calmly tell him that I need his support but he just read it as I’m saying that he’s useless and a bad dad. I never said anything like that but it seems to be stuck in his head.
I’m getting really exhausted as my baby is not a good sleeper and constantly needs my attention. I find myself crying all the time during the day and night. I want my baby to have a mentally stable and happy mom but I’m really struggling to be one without my husband’s support.
I don’t want a divorce but I don’t know what to do.