Has a temporary separation ever actually worked? Feeling lost and worried about the kids

[Happycherry39]

Hi everyone,

I could really use some perspective from anyone who’s been through something similar.

My husband and I have been together for a long time. Things have been really up and down over the past few months, and he’s now said he wants to move out for a bit to get some space and clarity. We’ve agreed to keep seeing our therapist during this time, so the intention isn’t to end things — more to see if we can reset and rebuild.

I’m feeling heartbroken and terrified about what this means, especially for our children (18, 14 and 9). They adore their dad, and I don’t want them to feel insecure or like their world is falling apart.

I guess I’m asking:

• Has anyone done this “living apart for a while but working on it” thing and come out stronger?
• How did you handle it with your children?
• And what helped you emotionally while your partner was away?

Any advice, experiences, or even words of reassurance would really mean a lot right now.

Thank you x

Hi there, sorry to hear about your situation.

My husband and I separated for about 5 weeks however we were living in the same house, just in separate bedrooms.

It was tough as I was really fed up and determined to go.

Separation did us some good, we are still together after 3 years.

I do appreciate you are seeing a therapist. I also read a lot of relationship books around that time. If you like reading I would recommend Why Women Talk and Men Walk, 5 Languages of Love and Men are from Mars Women are from Venus. If you don't like reading I would recommend a very short book, 60 Minutes Marriage. Also Loving Against the Odds.

I hope it helps

How does living in the same house but seperating work? I feel like it would still be me tidying up after him and doing his washing etc ?

My opinion is its just an excuse for one of yoh to sleep with other people. I dnt think anyone should ever break up and date again. Shit or get off the pot kind of thing

Where's he going to go? If he is looking to rent the likelihood is that it will be for a minimum of 6 months if not a year, or is he planning some kind of air bandb situation? Has he explained how he will parent/see the kids? I know it's not going to happen but maybe suggest you move out and he stays with the kids, see if he thinks that's acceptable, as basically he is looking for an 'out' and a rest from the situation, presumably so he can clear his head and come to some sort of decision- you meanwhile will have to carry on doing all the domestics and parenting and will have no such down time. Maybe you find somewhere and you do one week on and one week off to share the load. Either way the question was can the temporary separation work? I think that very much depends on what stage of demise you have already hit. I have been there with my ex, we would go for a therapy session and then he would drive off for an evening whilst he stayed at his mates whilst I then had to go home and get with looking after the kids. We did last quite some time after that but I never forgot how pissed off I felt that he thought he could pick and choose dipping out of the marriage.

I'm sure in many cases a temporary separation has worked for some couples.

I'm curious, does your therapist know about and agree that temporary separation is a good option for you both?