Too keen?

[PithyMauveZebra]

If you were trying to arrange something with a man would this come off as too keen on the woman’s behalf:

1. Me- hey - might be quite forward but if you fancy a catchup some time let me know! Thought it might be nice to
2. him - not forwards! Diary is stretched with work till mid nov though not sure if that works for you
3. me - sure. Doesn’t have to be (my area) though. Could aim to meet somewhere mid way but if that’s a too much faff mid Novembers fine.
4. him - ok , any dates to avoid?
5. me- fairly flexible weekend wise because I do things on weekdays with friends, if you had a day in mind though I could give you a definitive yes or no

I’m trying to see if I’m coming off as desperate here?

You sure??
erm before that we just talked about work and life etc.
there was a phone call. Then after that. Didn’t hear off him for a few days so I reached out after a few days saying he’s you okay. He did say sorry and that it should’ve been him. Fine no issues we talked about weekend plans and work etc. then he sent me a message talking about his Monday but didn’t really give rise to much convo and work was insanely busy on my end so I left it. Then I just thought I’ll cut to it and ask when he’s free because we could do the to and fro of what’s your weekend plans forever and a day.

so then, I asked, he talked about his day. I then said when I’m free and that my day had been busy. That’s it.

I feel like I sound desperate. And if anyone knows me they know I hate that.

You come across as a bit self berating and people pleasing to me.

Then all is well in the world. I can recall a thread a few days ago when everyone seemed to think that a couple meeting once a week over an 8 week period showed disinterest, whereas for me as a busy person that would be the absolute max I could imagine, with about half of that being typical. So, if you are good with doing schedule ping pong until Nov, go with it.

in person im quite the opposite. Direct and people don’t always like it. But when it comes to men I usually accommodate more than I typically would. Suppose I’m at that “im not getting any younger” stage

lol no personally I’m not willing to do schedule ping pong which is why I basically said “if you can give me a date then I’ll give you a definitive yes or no”

How old are you OP?

30

You are going to have to go with the flow with this one. Trying to marshal him into an express date won't work. So we are back to the underlying differences in pacing.

30 is still young, by the way.

That’s exactly how you come across OP.

Honestly? Yes you do come across a little bit desperate to meet. I would find that off putting personally but that’s just me

I do not see any problems with the conversation to be honest.

He's not interested!

I don't think he's interested, where's his chase men like to chase don't they? Instead you're doing it

He even noted it should have been him reaching out and that silence shows he's not that keen, you reaching out showed you are more than him .
What person is going to go a few days without contacting someone they're keen on?,
Work isn't an excuse
These are the early days when everyone shows the best version of themselves is this really it??

You're questioning yourself listen to your gut x

Leave it there but wait very patiently and quietly until he throws in a date that works for both of you. You just never know it could work.

No, don’t ever wait for anyone at this early stage. Get on with your life and if he does get in touch, decide then if you want to meet. But otherwise do not put your life on hold for someone you barely know

I am a man, and you don't sound desperate or unduly keen to me @PithyMauveZebra

This just looks like two busy people who live an hour and a half away from each other arranging to meet.

It seems very much like how my wife and I started out, and it took me ages to work out what her agenda was. She turned out to be the love of my life.

I would (and have) suggest a few dates you’re free and just see if he says yes or no. Take the reins, so to speak. It’s not desperate to try and arrange nice things.

You sure? I’m getting mixed opinions here. I didn’t want to seem like I’m pursuing him. I’m not. It’s just I’m not someone who can go backwards and forwards too much

It actually sounds as though you are mismatched from the start. You want him to take the lead but you are taking the lead. His passivity is already making you question yourself. Let this one go OP.

Absolutely sure. You just sound confident, and know what you want. Nothing wrong with that.

People worry about all this shizzle way too much. Just be you, and you'll know soon enough whether he's right for you and vice versa.

How did you meet him? I was guessing online, but then I saw your response when someone asked further up the thread.

He may not have even twigged your intentions yet, regardless of how obvious you think you've been.

But that’s the point though isn’t it. The OP is being herself, ie has presented a few options and he hasn’t responded which is making her feel insecure. Hardly a good fit from the off don’t you think?

She has an agenda that he may or may not have even recognised. And he may just be busy.

The OP doesn't come across as insecure to me, but does appear to be second guessing when there is no need to.

IMHO there are a million completely justifiable reasons why someone doesn't respond as quickly as the sender would like, and it would be foolish to rule out a potentially good match for something that is supposition. It may well be that he is flaky, but at least get to the point where it is certain.

Back in my former dating life, I had the best responses when I didn't put any pressure on. Invites were made, some weren't accepted for weeks, and they ended up being the more compatible ones who I would have blown out had I not been patient. They all fizzled for other reasons fortunately for me, as then I met my wife.

The OP doesn't come across as insecure to me, but does appear to be second guessing when there is no need to.

Erm, second guessing is the very definition of feeling insecure.

I disagree, she could be very confident and just overthinking as she had a desired outcome in this specific instance.

Haven't you ever looked at a word to check its spelling and the more you look at it, the more the spelling looks incorrect? That doesn't make you insecure generally. Just focused on a specific thing in that moment.