Clash over lack of responsibility

[ShyFox25]

No judgement please. Sorry for the long story.
This evening DH, myself and DS (3 months) were leaving MIL's. DH put DS in the car (already strapped in car seat). DS has been incredibly unsettled and overtired today, and was crying quite hysterically on the way back home. I find this inconsolable crying in the car very difficult to deal with (it really upsets me), so i asked DH to pull into the supermarket car park so I could get to DS and console him. On getting out the car and opening the door it become obvious the car seat had not been clicked in properly and that it was at an angle leaning against the door which then moved as I opened the door. I was already upset and shouted at DH that the seat was not in properly, quickly got DS out (who as still screaming), and pushed the empty seat (admittedly quite angrily) back into the car. I then sat very upset with DS rocking him and calming him down (which he was doing). After a few minutes I was still very upset but had not uttered another word since shouting once about the car seat - DH came to my side of the car and snatched DS off me and told me I "wasn't safe" to have him. I found this incredibly distressing and became more upset. We have had discussions prior to this about me needing DS when he is very upset. We managed to calm DS down and get home. DH has said absolutely nothing about it all the whole evening. I am livid that he had ignored everything that happened. I brought this up with him and he says we all make mistakes, nothing bad happened so he doesn't need to apologise for anything. He then kept on going on about how I wasnt safe to hold DS which I dont understand at all - I was teary and upset but not sobbing or hysterical. I was sitting in a stationary car rocking DS. I feel quite manipulated as though I am being ridiculous to be bothered and that I have no right to be upset. This attitude is quite out of character for him and I hope he is only acting this way because he is embarrassed and trying to turn this around on me to make himself feel better. I am still livid and we are still not talking - AIBU to be angry? And how do I make him see my POV?

This needs discussing when you are both rested and calm. Schedule a conversation.

Both of you are focusing on the personal elements instead of the reality. It isn't good to soothe a baby when you are distressed yourself. It doesn't mean it's not safe but it is confusing and distressing for a baby that is so in tune with your heart rate, temperature and can only view events through you to understand the world. Your partner removing the baby to soothe when he is angry is no better.

Safety is a priority. Yes mistakes happen but parents are responsible for the safety of children so this needs to be a priority.

Both of you are being immature and using your tiny baby as a pawn to score points with.

I think you need to both grow up.

i think you both seem quite highly strung. Maybe take a bit more advice on parenting very young babies and reading the instructions on how to fit a car seat properly.

It doesn't sound like you actually want to resolve this - you want to make him see your POV. In other words, you want to be right and for him to be wrong. You both were at fault here - he made a mistake putting the carseat in (probably stressed with a screaming baby) you shouted angrily at him and then held the baby while you were crying and upset, which is not the best way to soothe a crying baby. You were both stressed and upset and took it out on each other. It's not great but it happens - you are new parents and everything is a learning curve. Instead of having another row, let things calm down, get some rest and try and have a calm conversation tomorrow.

It sounds like he doesnt communicate with you well. You might have to change your approach.