How do you know if its over?

[TrishMB]

I’m just looking for some advice really.
My husband and I are married for 10 years with 3 young kids, the youngest being 2. We both work full time and both suffer with depression and anxiety. Due to all this, our sex life is pretty much non existent from being too tired and libido affected by medication. I have this niggle that our marriage might be in trouble due to this and not feeling that closeness or connection. Recently when we have gotten into an argument, he has been name calling, and when I challenge him on it he says you’ve done worse to me over the years (I actually haven’t btw). I see the contempt in his face when he’s like this and I don’t know how to handle it. I do love him but I do often wonder if we are together for convenience and what it would be like when the kids are grown.
Any advice?

I think once contempt enters the room it’s likely the end. Can you talk to him about how it feels like he is comptemtuous of you? If he agrees then ask what he wants to do about your future together as contempt really means the marriage has broken. If he disagrees then see if you can talk about better ways to communicate with each other? Including therapy if needed to allow this.

When you’re asking this question, in my experience. Once the contempt sets in it’s a slippery slope.
If I were you in this situation I’d lay the cards on the table. I’d say to him how you’ve noticed that things aren’t great at the moment, you can feel the lack of closeness and sense contempt, and perhaps it’s best that you think about splitting. See what he says and if he’s willing to work on it or not. If you are as well, of course.

Not sure I have much advice but did not want to leave you unanswered.

Do you want to rekindle your sex life and intimacy? Do you still want to be with him?

The name calling is nasty and you are right not to let that slide. I don’t like the sound of his lack of accountability either- not apologizing but saying you have done worse. Has he apologized at all after?

only you know what is right for you and your kids. Life with three small children is exhausting even without depression and anxiety so it could be a rough patch rather than the end but I think you need to communicate to see if you do want to work to stay together.