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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I feel inedequate

7 replies

ilovejam · 26/10/2025 16:52

I don't know if I'm being petty and insecure. There are times where I feel like my mother in law throws subtle jabs at me, she might be doing it unconsciously. Maybe it has nothing to do with me. (I know know). She always goes on about how my sister in law( married to my husbands older brother) loves her husband. Ooh she loves her husband so much. I have been with my husband since I was 15. I adore him, I wouldn't have married him and had two kids with him if that was not the case. I support and validate him. We a good team and have a good friendship. I'm a SAHM, currently studying. SIL is very demonstrative, posts the husband almost everyday. And I mean literally. Never ever posts herself alone. It's either a pic of them together or him alone. Every day! She doesn't have friends, at all, does everything with the husband. The husband aswell. ( her marriage is her whole identity)and I think my MIL finds that so loving. I on the other hand, I'm not so big on posting, I do post pics of us but not frequently. I have friends, don't see them alot due to my studies and just busy family life, but I try and make time to spend with them.

When we all together( my in laws)
, SIL will talk about how she loves her husband, how she would be lost without him. Like all the time!.. If she posts something and I'm with MIL, she will show me and say look at this, she loves her husband so so much. This makes me feel so inedequate.

What does that even mean. Do I not love your son aswell? Am I not good enough? It's getting me so down that I'm starting to be irritable when I'm around them.

It was my sister's in law ( bridal shower) a few weeks back. I put in alot of work to help, so did my SIL. When they event ended my MIL mentioned how SIL worked so hard.

I dread having them around. I subconsciously compare myself now and that tension in me ends up with me being very short with my husband. Am I crazy for feeling the way I'm feeling

OP posts:
HotTiredDog · 26/10/2025 17:14

Oh dear. It’s really not you, it’s them!
MiL seems obsessed, what was her own marriage like?
Did she have a favourite child?
The “rival” marriage of SiL seems pretty codependent (is that the right word?) - do you know how her DH feels about all the posting and the virtue-signalling to his Mum?

Shoxfordian · 26/10/2025 17:17

Care a lot less. You know you and your husband have a good relationship, posting online doesn't mean anything- it could even indicate the relationship isn't actually great. Just nod and smile and ignore it

pinkyredrose · 26/10/2025 17:17

Ignore her. No-one can make you feel inadequate without your consent.

Sparklesandspandexgallore · 26/10/2025 17:23

Pull back.
If she continues showing you these messages, act completely disinterested.
Also stop seeing her so much, she sounds like an absolute pain in the backside.

ilovejam · 26/10/2025 17:27

@HotTiredDog Her marriage was/ is horrible. Married to an unemotonally unavailable and abusive man.

Her favorite child seems to be the one I'm with ( I don't know) seems like it. She counts on him more then the others.

And to answer your last question about posting - her DH is a saint. From what I know he couldn't be bothered about the posting or not posting. Just wants her happy ( from what it looks like), however, he is not a poster. Actually at all. So doesn't do that

OP posts:
Enrichetta · 26/10/2025 17:29

Your SIL really, really isn’t the example you would want to emulate!

HoobleDooble · 26/10/2025 17:40

Not always the case but I mainly find that it’s the relationships that aren’t constantly gushed about on social media which are the strongest. It’s like they’re trying to convince themselves.

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